DA I Am Grey
by Banbha
Summary: Tessa Cousland never expected to become a Grey Warden but when treachery rained down on her family, the only way for her life to be saved was to walk the grey path of the Warden.
1. Chapter 1

_Who would have thought that destiny would lead me to saving mankind. I never thought that I would be one of two people that would set their feet on that road and change life in Fereldan. A range of emotions has run through me during this time, anywhere from sadness, anger, vengeance, and love. Throw in despair and it makes for a fantastic bardic ballad. All through it all, there is sacrifice. _

_For my first sacrifice, it was the night my world turned upside down and I had to leave those I loved in order to be saved so my family name wouldn't die. That night, I was on the brink of destiny. _

_From the journal of Theresa (Tessa) Cousland_

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><p>CHAPTER ONE<p>

A knock came at the door and a soft call answered for the visitor to come in. Theresa smiled as Dairren entered a smug smile on his face as he quietly shut the door. The man who stood before her had indeed matured over the years since she last saw him. The strawberry blond hair held gold highlights that glinted in the firelight. His jaw was strong and he had a strong and straight nose. All these were what Theresa found attractive. A strong face for a strong man.

Both of their mothers nodded approvingly over dinner as they sat and talked about different books, history, and even a mutual appreciation for archery and hunting. His brown eyes spoke other things to her as his fingers would brush innocently against Theresa's. Even thought it was the last night that her father would be at the keep, Theresa found Dairren's attention enough of a distraction from the impending departure. When she excused herself from the table, Theresa asked Dairren to see her to the hall door. He agreed and took her hand, escorting her outside and into the cool night air, Dairren pulled her to a side alcove and pressed her back against the cool stone.

"My lady, you are quite alluring. You should be ashamed in teasing a man in public when he can't do anything." He murmured in her ear.

"I'm sorry to have distracted you, serrah." Theresa grinned, her hazel eyes looked up at him through her lashes.

"I think you intentionally were distracting me."

She chuckled softly, "But I wasn't the one who was coyly brushing his fingers against my hand any chance he could get."

His fingers brushed across her cheek, teasing and seductive before he trailed them across Theresa's lips. "It was all I could do with company around us when I wanted nothing more than to caress your cheek and lips." Dairren leaned in and breathed over her mouth, barely touching them.

"I hope that isn't all that you wanted you to do." Theresa answered, a flush filling her face by Dairren's proximity and his sexual appeal. "You better get back to the hall."

"I will see you in half an hour." Dairren promised, stepping back and giving Theresa a half bow.

Here he was, in her chambers, locking the door behind him. The noble lord knew what he wanted, as did she. Theresa walked over to him, the long robe swishing as her hips swayed. Dairren reached out his hands, going to cup her face and pull her mouth to his. Theresa accepted him, meeting his passion with her own. Her hands quickly undid the lacings of his doublet and pushed open the rich fabric. The shirt underneath was a fine and sheer linen that had several ties closing the front. Theresa picked these apart and ran hands over his exposed chest. Breaking off their fervent kiss, Theresa leaned in to press her lips to Dairren's chest. He moaned and grabbed her hair, pulling her mouth back to his.

Dairren slid his hands down her throat and to his shoulders, running under the silky fabric of her robe, pushing it off Theresa's shoulders. The man started walking Theresa back from the door of her chambers and toward the bed. He reached down for the belt of the robe and tugged it open, smiling in delight against Theresa's mouth as Dairren took in bare flesh.

"My lady, are you trying to temp me?"

"Are you tempted, my lord?"

"Indeed, I am." Dairren whipped her robe from her shoulders and let it pool on the floor. He proceeded to shrug off his doublet and shirt to join the robe. Theresa gasped as Dairren picked her by the waist and laid her down on the bed.

The mabari hound lying in the corner of the room gave a little huff and tucked his head under his paws. The intelligent beast huffed again as the soft moans and sounds of flesh meeting flesh filled the chamber. His mistress rarely had visitors in her personal rooms and that tonight that she had this male invade it, made the hound sigh deeply. The crescendo of noise made him cringe and bury his head further under the large front paws. Humans, Lluth rolled his eyes.

Dairren nuzzled into Theresa's hair, a satiated rumble filling her hearing. She smiled with her eyes closed and enjoyed his lazy caress down her damp body. The warmth of skin on skin made her drift in a fuzzy contented state that was on the edge of sleep.

"Tessa, I do hope we can continue this." Dairren's breath tickled her ear, his voice sounding muzzy with exhaustion.

"I wouldn't object if we did." Theresa murmured. "It seems our mothers approve of our interest and match."

"Mmmhmm." Dairren murmured. His arm circled around her waist and pulled her closer to him. Their legs intertwined as their bodies relaxed and gently faded into a pleasure induced sleep.

Before deep sleep overtook the couple, Theresa heard Lluth growl and pad over to the door. His ears flattened as he sensed an enemy close by. Blinking her drowsiness clear, Theresa levered herself up and looked toward the mabari. The growl became louder and Lluth started to give a short bark.

"What izzit?" Dairren muttered sleepily. "Why is your hound making all that racket?"

"I don't know. He senses something not right." Theresa chewed at her lower lip and started to slip from the man's embrace. Her own senses were tingling, as there was a change in the air. Things were tense and a faint clattering noise could be heard outside her door. "Get up, Dairren!" she hissed, going over to her chest to dig for a tunic and breeches.

Dairren muttered and rolled his body out of the warm bed. Lluth started barking more and growling louder. Theresa trusted the hound's keen senses and reached for her knives. Her companion grabbed at the sheet and wrapped his lower torso and proceeded to check why the mabari was making a rukus. "I will see what is going on, Tessa. Stay here…" As soon as he opened the door, Theresa heard the zing of an arrow being shot and then her bed partner staggered back into her chamber, eyes wide in surprise. Theresa immediately slammed the door shot and bolted it again, suddenly very awake and shocked by the attack on her guest.

"Tessa…" Dairren uttered for the final time as he stumbled backwards and slumped against the bed to the floor.

"By the Maker! What is going on?" Theresa rushed to her chest again and pulled out her leather and plate armor that was made for her and all of the family that wielded a bow, shield or sword. Her fingers trembled as her eye glimpsed at the pooling blood from Dairren's cooling body, a lump catching in her throat. What was an evening of pleasurable company turned into a nightmare. The mabari hound was in a frenzy as the pounding starting on her door. Finally able to tighten the last strap, Theresa went to the weapon stand in her room and hoisted her longsword off the rests.

She was armored and armed in time for the door to burst in and men started come into her chambers. Quickly assessing her enemy, she growled and jumped into engagement with the first that crossed the threshold. Lluth lunged at the other soldier, the war cry of the mabari sending chills down Theresa's back. The soldier came in brutally swinging for her head but Theresa ducked and lunged out her arm holding the knife, taking a swipe at the belly. The man hopped back and blocked her blow with the sword, pushing her back.

Gritting her teeth, Theresa kicked out at the man's knees, making him buckle to the floor. Without thought, she swung her sword around and cut open his exposed throat. Lluth's jaws had a hold of the other man's throat, tightening with increasing pressure until the enemy was dead. Eyes blazing in fury, Theresa stepped over the two dead men in her room and out into the wide hall, meeting with more opponents waiting for her. Taking a quick glance around, she noticed her brother Fergus' room was broken in, the door splintered and hanging by one hinge.

The arrow skittering off the doorjamb by her head brought her attention to the immediate threat at hand. Her mabari charged the archer as Theresa danced her way from an incoming charge from another armed man. Her eyes took in the emblem on the shield and it registered with shock and then anger that the enemies in the keep were Howe's men. Theresa swung her leg around, faking a sweep at the battling swordsman in front of her and brought both her sword and knife around in an arc to cut into ribs and back. The man cried out in agony and collapsed to the ground. She stood over him and rammed her sword through the chest. He gave out one last gurgle, blood spilling out of his mouth and the eyes dimmed as life left.

Panting, Theresa looked at the carnage around her. Her hands and armor was bloodied, as was her mabari. His hackles were still raised in battle frenzy and kept a sharp lookout for more of the enemy.

"Darling! You are alright!" her mother burst through her bedroom door, armed and ready to meet resistance. The older lady Cousland looked around at the dead men on the floor and gasped as she recognized the coat of arms on the shields. "They are Howe's men!"

"They killed Dairren, mother! They meant to kill me too."

"Dairren?" Eleanor blinked at her daughter and the moaned mournfully. "We need to check on Oriana and Oren!"

Theresa nodded and strode over to the busted in door and stopped immediately as she stepped into the room. She cried out as the butchered forms of her sister-in-law and nephew were spread out on the floor, blood pooled around their bodies. Hanging her head, she said a silent prayer to the Maker "Mother, stay there, you don't want to see this."

"Oren! My dear little Oren!" Eleanor sobbed. "Howe isn't taking prisoners, he is killing everyone! Why?"

"I don't know, mother, but he will pay for this!" Theresa said with conviction and anger. "Where's father?"

"I…I don't know. He didn't come to bed. I figured he stayed up to talk with the Warden Duncan." Eleanor shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes. "Come, your father has some things stashed away in the room that you can use!"

The two armed women headed back to the teyrn's rooms and rummaged through the chests, grabbing any coins and potions that had been stored there. Theresa tucked her father's knife into her belt and stood up, slamming the lid of the wooden chest down. She was trying desperately to keep from crying. Now wasn't the time to break down. She had to be strong and needed to get mother to safety. Someone needed to get to Fergus! Arl Howe was determined to end the Cousland line this night!

"Mother, we need to find father!"

"Knowing him, he would be there with the knights, fighting at their side at the front gate." Eleanor held her head up high. "But if not, then he would be going to kitchens to find us. In the eventuality of the keep being overrun, a secret passageway was made from the pantry to outside the walls. Dear, the line must not die here tonight!" Eleanor placed her hands on her daughter's shoulders, looking into the young woman who was so much like her, strong, proud, and fiery.

"He will be fine." Theresa said somberly. Her usual witty and charming self was buried under the fright and anger of their family's betrayal from a friend.

"Come, let's go, we don't have much time!"

The two women made their way through the devastation of the family quarters and out into the early morning chill. Dawn was only a few hours away but the air hung thick with smoke and the fires in the keep lit up the sky with a false dawn. They ran into one of the servants who were running from the soldiers but Theresa managed to convince to help them fight for their home. She handed the man the spare knife from her belt and they made their way around the passable alleys. Some of Howe's men had broken through from somewhere and provided resistance to their escape. Theresa and Eleanor fought with a savagery that could be attributed to trained warriors.

When they were to pass the family's vault, Eleanor stopped her daughter. "Tessa, dear, stop a moment." She pulled out a ribbon that held an iron key on the end. Taking it off over her head, she handed it to Theresa. "This is the key to the vault. The family arms are in there. They will be of use to you but most importantly, you need to take them away from here so Rendon Howe cannot claim them as trophies! Your grandfather's sword is in there and that has been a bone of contention for the Howe family, as it was the sword used to kill the first Howe."

"But mother, you will be able to come with me and take these away, once we find father…." Theresa protested.

"My dear, if I or your father don't make it, promise me that you will flee with the family arms!"

"I…I promise…but,"

Eleanor held up a hand to quiet her daughter's further protests. She was a woman that had lived through the roughest times of the Cousland family, before peace came to Highever and Amaranthine. With Howe's treachery tonight, Eleanor knew that the odds of surviving were slim. She needed to get her children away. Thank the Maker that Fergus had left hours ago with a contingent of their knights. "Hurry, child!" Eleanor pushed her daughter to the lock, while she kept a lookout for any of Howe's men.

Theresa stumbled to the door and shakily scraped the key into the lock to open the first door. With a click, the door opened to them. They quickly slipped aside and immediately headed toward the vault door. Theresa put the key in a little steadier and in short order, the tumblers worked open and released the door. Chests and stands stood in the vault. This was the first time she had seen the family vault and was awed by the family treasure. Her grandfather's sword hung on the wall over a large gilded chest. Not wasting time, Theresa reached up to take it down and replace her holster with it. Opening the chest, the family shield laid within. Along with the shield, a stash of money, potions, and papers were at the bottom, almost as if they were left there intentionally in case something dire happened in Highever.

She grabbed these and stuffed them into a pack that was set beside the chest. Looking over to Eleanor, Theresa nodded grimly. The women and the men they managed to gather to them turned to leave the vault and head to the great hall to find the teryn. The sounds of a battle in the hall greeted them and immediately, the small group engaged more of Howe's soldiers. Only one thing gave Theresa pause as a bolt of lightning flew across the room and struck one of Highever's knights.

"Mage!" Theresa cried over the din to her mother. She ducked around swinging and thrusting swords, grunting as Theresa received a pummel in her ribs. Her knife slashed out when a soldier got close. Theresa's target was the mage as her eyes kept sight of the lone figure in front of the great hall's front doors. Lluth stayed faithfully at her side, snapping his powerful jaws at the enemies calves. Theresa spun around one over compensated swing and brought her long sword across the man's back, where the armor was weakest. She kicked out at another soldier while ducking his stumbling thrust at her. The family blade sung through the air as it met its target and pierced through armor and flesh.

Finally, Theresa was clear to run towards the mage while it was in the process of calling up another spell. She screamed, letting all her anger and sorrow out and barreled into mage, knocking the woman to her back. The mage looked up at the fierce Cousland daughter and saw her death. Without blinking , Theresa rammed down her blade into the mage's chest. "That's for Oren, you bitch!" Theresa panted.

A whisper of air by her immediately had her turning and swinging both sword and knife to the next target but halted just short of Ser Rory Gilmore's neck. He swallowed but gave a little bow of his head. "It's only me, my lady."

"Ser Gilmore…" Theresa lowered her blades and blinked, noting that the fighting was over. Eleanor went around to the bodies, seeing who was alive or dead and helped any wounded Highever guard over to a bench.

"I'm afraid there isn't much time, my lady. Arl Howe's men has found a few of the secret passages and thus got in to do this surprise attack. The main bulk is starting to pound at the front gate and it won't hold for long. You and the teyrna must escape."

"Where is the teyrn?" Theresa asked her childhood friend.

He shook his head, the red hair falling into his eyes. "When he didn't find you and Teyrna Eleanor here, he went in search of you at the escape passage in the kitchen. The Warden Duncan was with him."

"Bryce!" Eleanor walked up to the pair. "We must go to him."

"Agreed, the family must leave Highever!" Gilmore clenched his jaw. "Nothing must happen to you. I will hold the gates for as long as possible but you must hurry and leave."

"Thank you, Ser Gilmore." Eleanor grasped at his arm and went over to grab her bow.

Gilmore turned to Theresa, his gaze softening, "Tessa, don't be stubborn and try to stay."

"You still care, Rory!" Theresa gave him a ghost of a smile.

"You are a stubborn and obstinate woman, but a friend regardless. Please, see your mother and father to safety. Fergus must be warned of Howe's treachery."

"What about you, Rory?"

"Don't worry about me. My duty is here defending the keep." He leaned down and gave a small peck on her cheek. "Now, go. Be safe and Maker knows that we will see other again."

"By the Maker, Ser Gilmore, hold Highever for as long as you can." Theresa touched his cheek with her fingers in farewell. Lluth gave a soft bark and she turned to join her mother, rushing out of the hall and toward the kitchen to find her father and the Grey Warden.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: I Am Grey  
>Author: CelticWolfwalker<br>Game: Dragon Age  
>characterspairing: F!Cousland

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><p><em>I remember blood. So much blood, so much sacrifice. My family was taken, one by one, until it was only my brother and I. But Fergus was lost, beyond reach and presumed dead. I vowed revenge that day on Rendon Howe for what he did. What sort of monster kills helpless women and children? How was he any better than the darkspawn that threatened the land? That night, a bit of my innocence about people was lost. I would never openly trust again on face value. There was only one man who ever had my trust from the start. That was the Grey Warden who took me away from the horrors of that fateful night.<em>

_From the journal of Tessa Cousland_

CHAPTER TWO

Breathe, run, fire burning in the legs. Must keep going, better not fall behind. Breathe! Tessa wanted to cry out to Duncan to stop but the Warden pressed them onwards away from Highever. The morning sun was already starting to crest on the horizon and birds were awakening to start their day. The pack, shield and weapons weighed heavily on Tessa. She stumbled after the older man, as he led them to safety. But where was safe from Arl Howe's men?

Mother! Father! The last images of her parents flashed in her head, making her stumble to the ground, panting heavily. A sob finally tore through as the dried blood on her hands reminded her of the pooling blood around her father, Oren, Oriana…Dairren. Oh, Maker, why did this happen? She beat the dewy ground, refusing to move one more step. Lluth whuffed at her face, giving it a small lick of concern.

"We will rest." Duncan's sympathetic voice said as he lowered himself down to sit across from Tessa.

Tessa blinked back the tears threatening to overcome her. She didn't want to cry, not now. The events of the night were still too fresh to fully comprehend and absorb, so part of her mind shut down. Some would call it shock but for Tessa, it was a way of compartmentalizing things she didn't want to deal with immediately. There was a long road ahead of them and now wasn't the time to be weak in front of the Warden. Her life was in his hands.

"Where do we go from here, Duncan?" Tessa asked quietly, gritting her jaw to keep her sorrow away.

Duncan looked off behind her, eyes narrowed as the sun rose. "We need a safe place to rest and supply ourselves. As far from Highever as possible, as I'm sure Arl Howe will have men searching anything within a hundred leagues of the castle. The closest bannorn that is allied with Highever is Rainesfere. I know Bann Teagan. He is sympathetic to the Grey Wardens, as is his brother the Arl of Redcliff."

"That is still a five day journey on foot, Duncan."

"I know but we must make it because after that, we are off to Ostagar."

"Ostagar?" Tessa said in alarm. Fergus was at Ostagar! She would be able to see him, be the one to tell him…Tessa swallowed the growing lump in her throat and looked steadily at the Warden.

"The army gathers there for the blight, Tessa. You will be joining other recruits. I know that you are anxious to see your brother and tell him the news and I promise you will get opportunity to do so before the battle."

"Thank you, Duncan." Tessa said quietly.

"Can you walk?" Duncan looked at her with fatherly concern.

Tessa looked down at her blood-crusted hands and sighed. She willed her body to rise from the ground, shifting the weight of the family shield on her back. Her legs were shaky but Tessa steadied them and looked back to Duncan. The mabari leaned gently against her legs, trying to lend his support to his mistress.

"I'm ready."

The Grey Warden stood up and took the lead. Tessa followed him as they continued the flight from Highever across land, avoiding the roads and other people.

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><p>On the fourth day, around evening, the tired Warden and Cousland refugee arrived in Rainesfere. Even the boundless energy of the mabari was dimmed as it padded next to Tessa. Duncan tapped the brass knocker on the keep door and waited. Tessa leaned against the inner wall to the entryway. Her fingers absently scratched at Lluth's ears, finding a measure of comfort in the hound's presence. After a few minutes, the door opened upon a woman in her middle years. One look at Duncan, she hastily opened the door wider and clucked for the Warden and his charge to come in.<p>

"Where did you come from, Warden, to be looking so ragged?" the woman asked as she helped the man with his cloak.

"We just come from Highever, Mistress Elleth."

A sharp intake of breath was heard from the woman and then she looked intensely at Tessa. Tessa tried to hide her face amongst her limp, disheveled blond hair. The woman came up to her and took her hands, bringing a hand up to Tessa's chin to lift her face. "Oh, dear Maker! Lady Cousland!"

Tessa winced at the title. That was her mother's title. She was still considered a child, only given the honorific 'my lady' because of her noble blood. "Please, just my lady, or Tessa."

"Nonsense, child, if what I hear is true about Highever and you are the survivor of that…that butchery, you are indeed Lady Cousland."

"Elleth, please, leave the young lady alone." A warm cultured voice spoke as he walked into the entry hall. "Duncan, it is good to see you again though I wish it were under better circumstances." Teagan turned toward Tessa to which she bowed her head in respect and the fact that she was filthy and tired, and in no condition to be presented to one of the Bann's of the Bannorn.

"Lady Theresa, my condolences." Teagan took her hand and bowed over it.

"Thank you, Bann Teagan." Tessa muttered in a tired voice. "Fergus yet lives and I hope to let him know that he is now teyrn. That is, if Highever still stands." The latter came out bitterly and with an edge of anger.

"To think that Arl Howe…" Teagan shook his head in disbelief. "You, my lady, are welcome to Rainesfere. Take refuge and rest while you are here. Same goes with you, Duncan, and to you, noble mabari." The Bann bowed his head in respect to the tired mabari hound.

Lluth barked hoarsely in response, giving a little wag of his stubby tail. "Thank you, once again. I'm sorry I'm poor company…"

"Nonsense!" Teagan chided her gently. "Elleth will find you some rooms and get you settled in. Once you have washed the road's dirt and grime, you will feel better. I will inform the kitchen to expect three more guests."

"Teagan, a quick word?" Duncan asked of the man as Elleth led Tessa and Lluth away. She was too tired and miserable to pay any attention to what the Warden was saying to the Bann. The matron led Tessa up the stairs to the second floor and down the hall to a set of chambers that looked like it was for royalty. Lluth walked about the room, sniffing and checking out the corners, coming back to Tessa, giving a woof of approval.

Elleth helped Tessa with her pack, weapons and armor. Tessa's fingers and body were so stiff, that she whimpered as each piece of armor was taken off. She wasn't used to wearing the armor for long periods and having been in it constantly for the past four days, wore Tessa down. The head mistress went over to the fireplace and poked the embers to flame. Soon, the crackling of fire eating at the stack of wood filled the room.

"I will get someone here to help with a bath." Elleth assured Tessa and quietly left the young woman alone with her hound.

She stared into the fire, flashes of the castle burning hit her senses. Bodies of family and servants, along with their family filled her mind. The feeling of her sword meeting flesh of Arl Howe's men, gave her a strange satisfaction. Still, Tessa wanted Arl Howe's head for what he had done. It was senseless. Surely, the man wasn't holding an old grudge against her family for supporting King Maric in the rebellion? Bryce Cousland was a young man during the rebellion, along with his young bride. Highever was one of the last independent teyrnins that didn't fold into the kingdom of Fereldan during Maric's reign. For Highever's support and loyalty, Maric granted the Cousland family a successor line to the throne. While a great honor, Tessa knew her father wished the Theirin line to be long and prosperous.

"Oh, you fool!" Tessa spat out, her world going dizzy as the implication of Howe's treachery became clear. Lluth looked up at his mistress and whimpered. She looked down at the mabari. "Howe wasn't only getting rid of the Cousland line, Lluth. He is getting rid of the direct successor to the throne after Maric's son. There have been rumors that Cailan's queen is barren and if she produces no heir, then father would have been named heir."

Lluth gave a soft growl to which Tess laughed softly. The door opened after a polite knock and two elvhen servants rolled a tub into the room. They quickly set about pulling water from somewhere next to the fireplace and filled the tub. Tessa watched them curiously. These elvhen were happy with what they were doing and even chattered amongst themselves. They held no fear of reprisal for speaking out of turn. It was very much like home, except Nan kept the fear of the Maker and her rolling pin in everyone. Even in father and Fergus.

"My lady, the bath is ready." A young elvhan girl told Tessa. "We have scented oils, if you wish. Bann Teagan has loaned out a dress for you."

"What?" Tessa blinked at the kindness, surprised that these strangers would be offering such a courtesy.

"Tsk tsk, poor dear!" the second elvhan shook her head. She was older and shared similarities in looks to be taken for the younger girl's mother. "You must have traveled hard from Highever."

"I…I have." Tessa replied.

"You have that road weary, numb look. Come, let's get you settled into the water, and clean off the road, shall we?"

Tessa couldn't argue and sighed when her body sank under the hot water. The elvhen women took turns scrubbing the days of dirt and dried blood that she couldn't get off. The older elvhan took to washing Tessa's blonde tresses, taking care with the matted snarls. Once all was done, the water was black but Tessa sighed in contentment to be able to feel clean again.

"Such pretty hair, my lady. It reminds me of the late season wheat fields. That lovely pale gold with a touch of silver to indicate that cooler weather was coming." The older woman commented.

"T..thank you." Tessa stammered and was helped out of the filthy bath water. A bath sheet was wrapped around her as another knock sounded on the door. Elleth stepped in with a dress over her arms.

"Lady Cousland, Bann Teagan wanted you to have this to wear for dinner. He realized that you don't have but what you came with and thought you might not want to wear all that armor and leather while eating." Elleth gave a lopsided grin.

She couldn't help it, Tessa laughed. The picture of eating at a nobleman's dinner table in full armor made her giggle at the absurdity of it. The elvhen women giggled while they drained the water from the tub. "Well, it would certainly make for interesting dinner conversation." Tessa quipped.

"If there were guests that would find the sight shocking, indeed it would." Elleth chuckled. "Alas, it is just you, the Warden, and my lord Teagan. So, let's get you dressed as to not keep them waiting too long that they wither away from starvation."

"We can't have that." Tessa said and had Elleth help her with the dress.

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><p>The men turned their gazes on the cleaned up young woman that entered the dining hall. Tessa brushed her hair back behind her ears. The golden locks flowed down in gentle waves just over her shoulders. She averted her eyes when she noticed Bann Teagan looking at her with surprise and a blush crept up his neck.<p>

He stumbled from his seat and went over to her, giving her a bow due to her station. "My Lady, you have…cleaned up nicely."

"Thank you, Bann Teagan. The dress fits well. It is much better than wearing armor to dinner."

Teagan chuckled, his blue eyes sparkling with a mischievous glint. "Yes, well, I figured you would prefer comfort over practicality."

"Are we due to be invaded?" Tessa asked lightly. It was easy to like this Teagan and his quirky sense of humor.

"If you mean by my family, then that may not happen for some time." He gave her a mock frown of regret.

Duncan shook his head in exasperation at the banter. What was it with the Guerrin's and Theirin's of Fereldan? Tessa allowed herself to be helped to her seat at Teagan's right, the place of honor at a noble's table. Once everyone was seated, the food arrived, starting with a tureen of creamy potato leek soup. Her stomach rumbled loudly as it realized that it was extremely hungry. Tessa ducked her head and looked over at Duncan and Teagan in apology.

"I'm afraid all that my charge and I have eaten on the road have been hard tack and grass clippings."

"Those weren't grass clippings!" Tessa retorted and blushed as she took in Duncan's teasing smile.

"It must have been nutritious clippings then," Teagan laughed and took in another spoonful of his soup.

"Now you are teasing me," Tessa huffed.

"I would never tease a lovely woman such as you, my lady!" Teagan looked innocently at her but that glint in his eye gave him away.

Despite the despair of the last few days, Tessa was finding herself intrigued by the man. She had found little to laugh about, something to take her mind off the endless cycle of reliving the betrayal of Highever and her family. Duncan never pressed her about talking about that night. For that, she was thankful. If she had cried, Tessa didn't think she would ever get up again and keep moving. The simple things of being clean, out of armor and in a dress, helped lighten the cloud of despair and sorrow that hung around her.

"So, Bann…"

"Please, Teagan. I'm rather informal around here and only reserve the use of the title for formal functions."

"Okay," Tessa dipped her head at him, "Teagan, do you have no family of your own? Except for the servants and the head mistress, I see no indication of a lady of the house."

Teagan blushed and his mouth moved with no sound issuing forth for a moment. "I…uh..no, no, I never had the pleasure of marriage. If I did, I would be lucky to find a woman as lovely as yourself."

Tessa was stunned and bent her head down to finish the last of the soup, hiding the blush at her cheeks as her hair fell forward. Duncan eyed her across the table and gave a slight shake of his head. She gave him a look equivalent of 'What?' and proceeded to use the linen napkin genteelly to pat her lips dry. The next course came out before Tessa could further embarrass herself or Teagan. The man was easily ten years her senior but he still held a youthful quality. Duncan engaged him in some conversation regarding the army gathering at Ostagar. While she should be paying attention, Tessa tuned out half of the conversation. As she ate, she watched the Bann of Rainesfere from the corner of her eye.

He was someone her mother would like. Teagan was mannerly, well versed with kingdom news and politics but loyal to the independence of the bannorn. The strong convictions spoke well of him and Duncan's trust in him. It wasn't a wonder that father trusted that Bann of Rainesfere. Sitting back from the table, Tessa laid down her knife and fork, setting them side by side to the right side on the plate, and then folded her napkin beside the plate. She was finished, and soon found her eyes drooping from exhaustion.

"My lady…Tessa…" a pleasant male voice called to her. She blinked her eyes open to see Teagan leaning over her at the side of her chair.

"Oh…sorry, I didn't mean…" Tessa flushed with embarrassment at having fallen asleep at the dining table, in front of the host.

Teagan gave a soft laugh and patted her hand in sympathy. "My dear, you have nothing to be sorry for. You are exhausted from the days of travel. Duncan has retired for the evening, so I'm left with escorting you safely to your chamber."

"Afraid that someone will whisk me away in your own home?" Tessa grinned impishly.

"Oh, more like that you would be accosted by some large rats that would take you down and drag you away to the wilds." He chuckled and grabbed her hand to help her up from the chair.

At the mention of large rats, Tessa shuddered, remembering the infestation she and Rory took care of in the pantry for Nan. As she stood, her legs failed to keep her upright. Teagan immediately caught Tessa before she collapsed to the ground. His arms wrapped under hers, as he pulled her gently up. Her arms had to hold onto Teagan's shoulders as she steadied herself. Suddenly, she felt rather warm as Teagan's spicy scent filled her senses. Why was the smell of the man making her feel flushed? It wasn't like she hadn't had her share of men, each with their unique cologne but this was different. It wasn't a cologne but more of a scented soap.

"The road seems to have caught up to more than just my stomach." Tessa cleared her throat as the proximity of Teagan was starting to make her a bit light-headed.

He looked down at her, his blue eyes smiling into her ever-changing hazel. "Then do not despair," Teagan said in a low voice and swept her up in his arms, holding her close to his chest. "Those giant rats won't get you now."

"Maker forbid they should anger the great Bann of Rainesfere." Tessa chuckled.

Teagan walked out of the dining hall and up the stairs, taking his time. Tessa held on, her arms clasped behind his neck. She stifled a yawn into his chest and just let it rest there. "Oh, there is one of those buggers!" Teagan teased.

"What? Where!" Tessa's head whipped up, her eyes wide, staring around at the shadowed corners of the hall.

"They have been scared away. They fear me, you see." Teagan chuckled low in his throat.

"You are a horrible man!" Tessa frowned and then realized he had stopped at her door.

"Alas, that is why marriage eludes me." Teagan said with mock sadness.

"You haven't found the right woman, then, my lord."

He looked into her eyes then, holding her gaze for a long moment before replying quietly, "Maybe I have." Teagan set Tessa down on her feet, making sure her footing was steady. When his arms left, Tessa shivered from the sudden coolness surrounding her body. The Bann stepped back and bowed politely. "Good night, my lady."

Tessa watched as Teagan headed down the hall a couple doors down from hers and entered. She let out the breath she was holding, her heart thudding in her chest. She wouldn't have opposed to a little company this night but in a way, Tessa was glad that Teagan remained a gentleman. Entering her room, Tessa shushed Lluth as he woofed a greeting to her. Her hand came up to her hair to brush through it and brought the locks across her nose. It smelled like him, which brought a soft smile to her face.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: I Am Grey  
>Author: CelticWolfwalker<br>Game: Dragon Age  
>characterspairing: F!Cousland, Teagan, Duncan

* * *

><p><em>When you become a Grey Warden, you start the nightmares about the darkspawn. With me, my nightmares started before the Joining. No matter what age you are, seeing your life torn apart from you is enough to break any average person. I don't know why I didn't but then I am not the average woman. I survived Howe's attack, just as I survived the Joining. <em>

_In between surviving, there have been those people who have entered my life that helped me get through the things I couldn't comprehend or deal with._

_From the journal of Tessa Cousland_

CHAPTER THREE

_Fire. Dogs madly barking and it was chaos in the castle. Children were crying and then it stopped. Screams were heard before their life was ended by the point of a sword. Tessa ran through the castle in nothing by a nightshirt, skidding around corners to see armed men killing innocents. She had to find mother and father. They have to leave! _

_Tears flowed down her face, burning tracks among the soot smudged on the cheeks. Little Oren, hacked down with no care in the world. Oriana laid there next to him, cradling her son as the lifeblood bled out, only to quickly join him. Tessa cried harder. Her family was being snuffed out, one by one. She ran._

_Where was the kitchen? Why was it taking so long to get there? As she turned around one corner, she met face-to-face with one of the invading soldiers. He leered at her, blood and gore spattered across his armor and features. Tessa turned around and ran down another alley, her bare feet slapping against the cobblestone. Her hands found a door that was unlocked and ducked inside. _

_As she turned around to look at where she was, Tessa gasped. It was the pantry and her father was there on the ground, blood slowly pooling from a mortal wound. But that wasn't all, her mother was a crumpled form next to him, her sword thrown on the ground and her grey hair matted with blood from a head wound._

"_Pup…" Bryce Cousland called to her. _

"_Papa!" Tessa rushed to him. _

"_Don't worry about me. You must go!"_

"_But…I don't want to leave!"_

"_You will die here!"_

"_I don't care!" Tears coursed down Tessa's face. "We are already dead!"_

_Bryce cupped his daughter's cheek and coughed weakly. "You live. Tell Fergus…"_

_A violent cough erupted then, making blood spew from Bryce's mouth, causing him to slump to the ground, dead. "Father?" Tessa looked at him, suddenly a little girl of six. She laid her small hands on Bryce's shoulder and shook him._

"_Papa? Wake up!" Tessa cried, her eyes going wide with panic. "PAPA!"_

"Papa!" Tessa screamed out in the darkened room, hair matted to her face from sweat soaked skin. She blinked around her at the strange room, her eyes wide with panic and grief. Her head turned as the door opened and someone rushed towards her. "No!" Tessa backed up against the headboard, nightgown askew on her shoulders.

"My lady," a man's voice called to her soothingly.

"Get away!" Tessa's voice trembled, half-awake and locked in the after effects of the nightmare.

Hands reached for her shoulders and she cringed, pushing herself away from them. "Tessa!" the voice grew concerned.

"You will not get me! I will kill you first before you take another of my family!" Tessa snapped.

The voice became hard as the hands grasped her head, forcing her to look at him. "Tessa! Wake up! It's Teagan."

"No…no, no, no….it's a trick!" Tessa's panic made her eyes wide with fear. "You come into our home, friendly and like but you are plotting! You come to kill us!"

Teagan frowned sadly and then slapped Tessa across the face. She blinked in shock and snapped out of the horrible nightmare. When the haze cleared from her sight, cheek stinging from Teagan's hand, she looked into the worried eyes of the Bann. His hand came up to smooth her face. "T…teagan?"

"That's right, dear. Do you remember where you are?"

"Rainesfere…Duncan…" Her eyes flitted across his face and the darkened bedroom. "Oh, by the Maker!" Then her world came crashing in, the tears she held back for days started. Her body started to shake before the crying was heard.

Teagan pulled Tessa into his chest, his hand going to smooth her sweat-dampened hair. Tessa's hands fisted themselves in the soft open front of his shirt, as she cried hard. "There, there, let it out. Let it all go." Teagan said in a calm, soothing voice.

Another motion was heard, as Duncan stopped at the open door. "Teagan?"

The Bann waved at the Warden from the bed. "I got it under control, Duncan. Tessa's grief has finally broke through."

Duncan sagged against the doorframe in relief. "Stay with her. A courier just arrived from Ostagar and I'm going to see to him."

"Go ahead." Teagan rocked the crying woman in his arms gently. Lluth butted his head against Teagan's leg and whined. The man assured the mabari that his mistress was going to be fine.

When no more tears were coming out and Tessa started to hiccup, she slowly released her death grip on the man's shirt. Mother and father were gone. There was nothing to be done but they had sacrificed themselves to make sure she made it out alive. It was now Fergus and her, if Fergus was still alive. The vestiges of the bloody nightmare still haunted Tessa and she had a feeling it won't be the last one she will experience. Taking in a deep shaky breath, Tessa pushed against Teagan's chest to pull herself away.

As she looked up his face in the dark, she could make out lines of concern for her. Why should he be concerned for her? Except for some vague memories of the man when she was younger and accompanied her father to Rainesfere, Teagan didn't know her. Much less, Tessa didn't know much about the bann. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be, my dear." His voice rumbled softly. "You experienced a horrible nightmare; it is to be expected after the tragedy you had survived."

"But I threatened to kill you!"

His hands came up and cupped Tessa's face. "Tessa, you were in the grip of a bad dream. People wake up and are still in their nightmare plenty of times. Don't be ashamed for what you have said. If I was a bad man, Lluth would never let me in the door."

Tessa blinked and heard the confirming whimper from the mabari. "Where's Duncan?"

"He went to see to a late night courier. He came by to see that you were all right. We actually talked about what happened at the castle, Tess. The Warden was worried about your not expressing the grief and anger that was inside of you."

"I couldn't be weak. We had to run." Tessa stated simply.

Teagan shifted on the bed and looked at her with an unreadable look. "My dear, we all have to deal with grief when it happens. Yes, you had to run but you hold it inside for too long, it will find its way out in unpredictable ways. Like tonight."

"Sounds like you have experience." Tessa said quietly.

His thumbs softly caressed across her cheeks. "I do. There was a woman once, one I loved deeply and would have had as my wife." Teagan spoke quietly and didn't elaborate more.

"I'm sorry." Tessa bowed her head but Teagan forced her to look up.

"Tessa, life moves on, even after we lose loved ones. Serve their memories by living and don't let your parents sacrifice be in vain."

The simple statement stunned her. It wasn't an empty platitude expected by others when they hear of a death. Those simple words were from experience and Teagan knew that you could lose yourself in grief and waste away in the depression. Her eyes felt the sting of fresh tears but they were not accompanied by a vocal cry. They slid down towards Teagan's fingers. He lifted his hand up to his mouth and sucked the salty tears from them. This act made Tessa's heart thud hard in her chest. It was a sexy gesture but incredibly intimate. He could have simply wiped them away but Teagan tasted her tears. Her cheeks grew hot from a sudden blush.

Tessa was unsure what to do now. There was no going back to sleep as she was afraid that the nightmare would be waiting for her. Teagan's closeness to her was distracting and had her feeling confused. This was something she never experienced before with a man. If she had found one attractive, Tessa had her way, usually with the other party willing. Those encounters were only casual and happened only a couple of times.

"Are you able to sleep?" Teagan asked in a low voice.

"No." Tessa said.

"Then why don't you wash away the nightmare and come downstairs. Dawn is a couple hours away and I believe we are all awake now."

"Teagan…" Tessa paused, suddenly shy in front of the man. "Why are you doing this? You didn't have to come in here and comfort me."

His expression softened but Tessa couldn't make out what else was in his face in the dim room. All she felt was his hand on her face, holding and caressing it in the most intimate of gestures. "I can't stand to see beautiful women cry or in pain."

"But…" the answer was evasive and didn't tell her much.

"Shh, let's leave it at that, shall we?" He leaned in and kissed her forehead. Tessa raised her head making his mouth come close to hers. Teagan's breath teased over Tessa's lips, as it hovered there for a moment before pulling away.

She watched him as he got up from the bed without another word, and walked out of the room. Her heart was beating quickly after her body was deprived of Teagan's warmth. Lluth whined and snapped her out of the intimate moment. Taking in a deep breath, Tessa slid off the bed and headed toward the washbasin.

"Cailan makes it sound that this isn't a Blight!" Teagan exclaimed as Tessa walked into the large kitchen.

The men were sitting at a sturdy and well-worn table, cradling a hot drink in their hands. A curled parchment was sitting on the table with the king's broken seal on it. Elleth smiled at Tessa as she entered and handed the young woman a mug of tea, waving her over to take a seat.

"There have been no signs of the archdemon, Teagan. So, Loghain is telling him constantly that this is a skirmish, nothing more." Duncan sighed deeply.

"But you don't think so."

"None of the Wardens do, no. We have been seeing signs for many months now. The Deep Roads are filling up with darkspawn and are starting to make daily raids onto the surface."

"What does the courier say?" Tessa asked as she took a seat next to Duncan, avoiding Teagan's warm gaze.

"The army is gathering at Ostagar and that there have been a couple of major skirmishes already. We need to get there quickly, Tessa." Duncan surmised. "The Highever contingent did make it, safe and sound." He patted her hand as his dark eyes looked into Tessa's hazel.

Tessa breathed a sigh of relief knowing that her brother made it and Howe's men never caught up with him. "How long will it take us to get there?"

"On foot, at least three days."

"Duncan, I have horses you can borrow. It will cut down the travel time in half. I have Elleth preparing provisions for you two so you can leave as soon as you can. I wish you had more time to rest but I understand the pressing need." Teagan nodded.

"Your brother is ready?"

"Yes, he is. His soldiers should be on their way there."

"I hope they make it in time. Tessa," Duncan turned his attention on her, "how familiar are you with combat and tactics?"

Tessa blinked, "My tutor had Fergus and I study all the battles of the rebellion relentlessly. While mother didn't like it, father had me train with the knights when I was able to hold a sword."

Duncan chuckled. "Your mother was a fierce warrior herself. But it is good that you know how to handle arms."

"I do, though the shield I struggle with at times." Tessa shrugged her shoulders.

"Would you rather leave it behind?" Duncan asked her.

She chewed at the bottom of her lip, contemplating in bringing her family's legacy. "It would slow me down, to be honest. But, if we see Fergus, he will need it."

"That is a large 'if', Tessa. I'm sure they might have him assigned somewhere and with a battle close at hand, there might not be time to give it to him." Duncan stated pragmatically.

"If you want, the shield can stay here," Teagan offered.

Tessa looked up then at Teagan, his eyes meeting hers. They were serious this time, but sincere in his offer. "You would do that?" Tessa asked.

"Yes." He said simply.

Duncan watched the pair closely, keeping his opinions to himself. Tessa sighed and nodded her head, "Then it will stay behind. I fight quicker with sword and knife, anyway."

"Good. The less we have to worry about, the quicker we can reach Ostagar." Duncan gave a curt nod. "We will depart early tomorrow morning. Another day of rest will do both of us good, plus we do need to check on the armor and get Tessa here a couple changes of clothing."

"Don't you worry about that, Warden!" Elleth spoke from her spot at the kitchen. "I have a daughter about her size that I can spare a couple of tunics and breeches."

"And I have an old cloak that she can have." Teagan offered. "We are starting to get into the cooler season and you will need something to ward off the chill."

"Thank you, Teagan." Tessa smiled at him.

"I will do anything for a future Grey Warden." Teagan gave a tip of his head to her. Again, there was an indefinable look in his eye that confused Tessa. His words were simple but coupled with that look, it took on a far more personal tone.

"Then that is settled." Duncan placed his hands flat on the table. "Tessa, let's take a look at your armor and steel."

"I will go see to your supplies, Duncan." Teagan said and got up from the table.

"You kept up the repairs yourself?" Duncan asked Tessa, surprised at the well maintained shape of her armor.

"Of course. Because I know how to fight, my teacher made sure that basic care of armor was drilled into our heads. 'Just because you are the spoiled brats of Teyrn Cousland, doesn't mean you won't get the same training as the rest of the guard!'" Tessa laughed at the memory of the sergeant-at-arms of Highever Castle. "He may have been a crusty bastard, Dougan meant well."

"You and Fergus had a good teacher." Duncan patted the breastplate and set it aside.

"Are all Wardens fighters?" Tessa asked suddenly.

"No. There are Wardens from all walks of life and experiences. I haven't been the responsible Warden Commander you see before you today. In fact, I was conscripted."

"Conscripted?" Tessa looked at the older man curiously. "I thought all recruits wanted to become a Warden?"

Duncan leaned back against the wall and chuckled. "We don't do it often as it can lead some rather disgruntled lords. As for me, I was sentenced to death for killing a man I didn't mean to."

Tessa's head cocked to the side in confusion, "You didn't mean to kill a man?"

"I was in his room…uh, looking for something…" Duncan rubbed at the back of his neck as he remembered his rather colorful youth.

"You were a thief!" Tessa grinned.

"Now, now, thief is such a harsh term. I was no saint in my youth but I had to do what I did in order to survive. But to get back to the matter," Duncan quickly moved on from anything dealing with his larcenous youth, "the room belonged to a Grey Warden and he caught me red-handed. What would you do if you were caught?"

"I would fight my way out." Tessa answered immediately.

"Indeed, and I did. Now, a normal person shouldn't be able to defeat a Grey Warden but I was cocky and considered myself a fair hand at the blade. What I didn't count on was the Warden lunging forward onto my knife."

"He what?" Tessa exclaimed.

Duncan hung his head in regret at that time of his life. "He thanked me as he died. However, his Commander didn't want to believe that it was an accident, so to punish me, she conscripted me. I resented her for years as this was something I didn't want, especially when it came with the nightmares."

"What nightmares?"

The man sighed and shook his head, "You will find out in time, dear Tessa."

"Can I ask something else?" Tessa asked quietly. "Why me?"

"I have been watching you over the past two years, Tessa, whether you knew it or not. Grey Wardens, especially a Commander, have a unique sense when it comes to those that have the potential to become one of the order. You are a scrappy and fierce young woman. You also have a good head on your shoulders, especially when assessing opponents."

"Well, it is easy to read my brother." Tessa laughed.

"I seem to remember you dodging a blind attack from one of the cadets when there was a round-robin skirmish." Duncan chuckled.

"Okay, you got me there," Tessa confessed. "But what about Ser Gilmore?"

"He had potential." Duncan admitted.

She got a maudlin look on her face as she thought about the red-headed knight, and the other guards that died that night to save her and her family. Lluth padded over and rested his head on Tessa's knee, looking up at her with his puppy eyes. Tessa gave a small fond smile for the mabari and scratched at his ears. "My life is never going to be the same, will it?"

"No, it won't." Duncan replied truthfully, feeling for the young woman and the lost emotion she was going through. He had felt the same after his father had passed away and he turned to the streets.

"Mother wanted me to find a husband and start my own family. I never was serious about it when Fergus already had…"Tessa choked on the tears that started to flow again. "Dear little Oren. I was going to show him how to slay dragons with a sword of truthiness." She gave a bitter laugh.

"I'm sorry, Tessa." Duncan rumbled sadly. "If I only knew…"

"Duncan, no one knew about Howe's duplicity. Nor his ambitions."

"His ambitions?" Teagan asked from the doorway, holding something in his arms.

"I was going over the history between the Howe's and Cousland's last night and trying to figure out why this would happen. It's a simple case of power, Teagan. In order for the terynin's to keep their independence within the kingdom…"

Teagan smacked his forehead, "Of course, I remember! Marric established the line of succession, if something happened to Calanhad's line. Your family is next in line for the throne."

"It makes sense." Duncan said.

"Arl Howe is eliminating the succession line." Tessa ground her teeth.

"But Cailan still lives and is at Ostagar." Teagan said.

"Your brother…Eamon…" Tessa started.

"Our family is not in the succession line, we are just part of the royal family because of marriage." Teagan shook his head.

Tessa bit at her lower lip, relieved but she still made a promise to go after Rendon Howe's head. "But to kill a little boy." She shook her head. "It is…unconscionable."

"I don't have any answers for that, Tessa." Duncan moved to get up and walked by her, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. He nodded to Teagan as he left the sitting room.

The troubled noble woman got up from the floor and stretched; her shoulders and back popping back into place. As she turned, Tessa saw Teagan's eyes watching her. Her arms lowered back to the side and she stepped closer to the bann. "What do you have?"

"Hmm?" Teagan blinked and then shifted his arms. "I brought you the cloak." He shook out the voluminous cloak, the heavy grey material draping lovingly. It was soft felted wool with a deep hood and as Teagan spread it out, exposed the deep sleeves that blended with the rest of the folds.

"It's beautiful!" Tessa reached out to touch the soft grey material.

"Here, try it on." Teagan swirled the cloak around her shoulders, helping her settle the folds and cowled hood on her. His hands stopped by her face, resting on the fabric. "It suits you."

She didn't know what to say as Teagan looked deep into her eyes. Her heart fluttered and skin flushed at the shared intimacy. The man made her unable to think clearly and she couldn't tear her own gaze away from the blue eyes that held flecks of brown. Teagan was a comfortable taller height, enough that she didn't need to stand on her toes if she wanted to kiss him. Tessa admired the way his mouth curved at the corners, little laugh lines permanently etched there, lending a boyish charm. The closely trimmed goatee suited his square chin.

"Thank you." Tessa said softly.

"Excuse me?" Teagan blinked his eyes.

"Thank you for the cloak. No one has given me such an exquisite cloak before."

"It will be in good hands then. For it was given to me by my sister, the late Queen Rowan."

"I don't want to deprive you of such a fine thing!" Tessa was startled by the significance of the gift.

Teagan rested a finger on her lips to stop Tessa from protesting further. "It is mine to give and it now belongs to a noble and beautiful woman."

Her cheeks brightened at the flattery, and she tucked her lower lip between her teeth. Teagan ran his finger across her lips, loosening the offending lip from her teeth. In an act of boldness, Tessa kissed his fingertip. He closed his eyes and sighed shakily, removing his touch from her lips.

"Tessa, don't…"

"Why? What do you want of me, Teagan?" Tessa looked at him in confusion, taking a step closer to the bann. Her voice was low and she looked at him steadily.

"I would love to have what you can't give me. I don't know why it matters so much as we only just met."

"You have been the perfect gentlemen, except your eyes give you away." Her fingers came up to his mouth, running lightly around the outline of Teagan's mouth.

"And you have been nothing but a tempting vixen." Teagan spoke in a hushed voice.

"I haven't tempted anything from you." Tessa said in surprise.

Teagan moved his head in her fingers, kissing into Tessa's palm. His hand slipped into the cowl of the cloak, through Tessa's blond locks and brought her face closer to his. Teagan's mouth was hovering at Tessa's, to where she felt the soft wisp of his breath over her lips. "You tempt me by just being you, my lady." He pressed his lips on hers softly, moving them as Teagan gathered Tessa's lower lip between his.

The hot flush started from the gentle kiss and went down her body to the toes. Tessa has kissed a few men but it never was like this. The kiss was soft, sensual, full of promise, and it was enticing. Teagan let her know of his interest but was respectful of Tessa's own response. And Tessa did respond, her lips opening in response. The room melted around her as she sank into the bann's kiss.

He pulled slowly away, letting go of Tessa's mouth with some regret. Even Tessa was regretting the end of the kiss, as her chest felt funny and heart beating hard in it. Teagan rested his forehead against her, his thumb caressing against her cheek. "This is all I can offer you right now, Tessa." His voice was thick with held back desire.

"But why?"

"I don't want this to be some casual thing and with your recruitment to the Grey Wardens, your path is going down a road I can't follow."

Tessa sighed heavily, "I do understand, Teagan. Just tell me one thing," Tessa ran her fingers along his jaw. "Are you feeling the same pull that I do?"

"Maker, yes." He hissed softly. "I know this seems sudden but…"

"It is like someone's hand has placed us before each other." Tessa whispered.

"Exactly but now isn't the time to explore what this is." Teagan sighed. "You will leave in the morning."

"That is a few hours yet…"

Teagan gave a small laugh, "As I would love to explore that option, I am going to let it pass. There is still much to do to make sure you and Duncan get to Ostagar."

She gave a little pout which earned a small chuckle from Teagan. Taking a step back, Tessa looked at him, his eyes holding so many promises that were being held until another time. If that time ever came, Tessa thought. With slightly shaking hands, she lowered the cowl and took off the cloak. Her hand rubbed over the material as she folded it in half and laid it over the neat stack of her armor.

"Let's take a look at the mounts you have. We will need sturdy horses with good endurance."

Two hours before dawn, Duncan came by her room and quietly knocked on the door. Lluth gave a soft woof as Tessa cracked it open and slipped out, fully dressed and wearing the chain shirt over her tunic. She wore the cloak Teagan gave her, it billowed softly out as the she and the Warden quickly walked down the hall to the main entry foyer. Elleth met them there and handed two small wrapped packages that held breakfast for them.

Saying their farewells, Tessa followed Duncan to the stable yard. Teagan waited for them, the reins of their mounts in his hands. Duncan moved to take his mount and clasped the man's arm. When Tessa approached, Teagan looked over her face. Half of his face was in shadow from the flickering light of an unshielded lantern.

"Be safe, Tessa." He said softly. "I will be leaving for Denerim within the next few days."

"When will I see you again?" she asked, her voice holding a soft tremble.

"I don't know." Teagan's eyes looked sadly on Tessa. "Find your brother, fight the darkspawn, and Tessa, don't ever forget your heritage."

"I won't forget you." She murmured softly as she stepped up to him and placed her cheek on Teagan's.

"I'm hard to forget, my dear Tessa." Teagan smiled at her.

Tessa shook her head as she stepped back. Teagan held her mount as she pulled herself up and settled into the saddle. Duncan looked over to her, pulling his hood up on his cloak. Tessa did the same, her face hidden in the deep cowl. Teagan rested a hand on her calf, which Tessa settled a hand over his. She looked at the man and memorized every line and plane of his features. She wasn't exactly sure what was between them but it was something she hadn't experienced before and went beyond simple desire.

"It's time to go." Duncan broke the quite morning air.

With a nod, Tessa squeezed Teagan's hand and softly kicked her heels into the horse's ribs. Warden, warrior, and mabari trotted into the early dawn, gray shapes disappearing down the road and away from Rainesfere.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: I Am Grey  
>Author: CelticWolfwalker<br>Game: Dragon Age  
>characterspairing: F!Cousland, Duncan, Alistair

* * *

><p><em>One never rushes towards destiny, it meets you on the road to your destination. Once arriving at Ostagar, things moved quickly and everything is a hazy memory. I met the first darkspawn before the Joining and even then, I felt a purpose in ridding my home of these foul things. Even then, I fought more out of fear for what would happen if we failed. <em>

_From the journals of Theresa Cousland_

CHAPTER FOUR

The sun was well up in the sky when they took their first break. There were few travelers on the Imperial Highway and that struck Tessa as being odd. She had asked Duncan about it and he told her that people avoided using the main thoroughfares if there was battle going on within the vicinity. That was reasonable logic, she thought. People would be at home protecting their families than getting in the way of any troops making its way to the battleground.

Tessa nibbled at a piece of cheese, her mind wandering to the enigmatic man she had left behind. She could still feel his lips and touch on her, and it made her crave for more. Teagan was gentleman and took his time, knowing what he wanted, even if nothing happened in the long run. She prayed though, that their paths would cross again. Sighing, Tessa popped the last of the cheese into her mouth and dusted her hands. The future was tenuous, considering what laid before them with the coming Blight. She hoped that she did make it through this Joining, if to see the day that Arl Howe would pay for his crime against Highever.

"What is expected when we reach Ostagar?" Tessa asked Duncan.

"Who knows for sure. There are two other recruits for the Joining and that must come first. Along with those preparations, I am advising the king on the battle, along with Teyrn Loghain."

"It will be interesting to meet the hero of the River Dane." Tessa commented.

Duncan raised an eyebrow, "You are well versed in history, Tessa."

"Had to be, considering Highever's role in the Rebellion. Father mentioned Loghain once, when he met him briefly before that final battle that started the new age. He said the man was gruff and straightforward but a sound tactician."

"That he is and Maric respected him for that. Without Loghain, Fereldan would still be under Orlesian rule."

"I wish there would be time to talk to the man. I have studied some of his battle tactics with Fergus. We would argue how some of the battle movements could have ever worked."

Duncan chuckled, "Well, we shall see what the situation is like at Ostagar. The main horde, from reports I have seen, hasn't arrived yet. The darkspawn are only sending out raiding parties to harry the scouting parties." The Warden Commander wiped his hands on his breeches and stood up. "Come, let's get moving. At this rate, we can make it to Lothering by evening."

They packed up the food and mounted their horses, continuing their spurious flight to the southern lands.

By evening, they arrived at the little town of Lothering. An old trading post turned to a farming community nestled on the edge of the North Road toward Ostagar. Lothering was large enough to boast its own chantry and a contingent of templars. Tessa looked on the village with the lazy wisps of smoke from hearths, meandering into the evening sky. Both Duncan and she were exhausted, as was the horses and mabari hound. The horses carefully picked their way down the ramp from the highway toward the village and then walked through the main road through Lothering.

Children ran through the streets, laughing and yelling as they chased each other. Tessa had to smile at the carefree nature, missing her own lost innocence of childhood. A group of young men and women lounged on the railing of a fence by one house, eying the strangers coming into their village. It wasn't a hostile look but one of curiosity. Tessa kept her head down and hidden in the deep cowl of her cloak.

Duncan had them stop at the inn and dismounted. A groom came out from the stableyard and took Duncan's horses reins. Tessa sighed and shakily dismounted, grasping at the saddle as her knees wobbled from sitting so long in the saddle.

"Duncan!" a baritone voice called out, along with the familiar clink of plate armor. Tessa peeked out from her hood and noticed a templar coming to him. From the sigil on his plate, Tessa guessed he was the commander of Lothering's templars.

"Ser Bryant," Duncan greeted the man with a bow of his head. "How are things going?"

The knight shook his head and frowned, then quietly spoke. "Not good. We have bands of darkspawn hitting the edges of Lotherings borders. They haven't been bold enough to raid into the village yet but give it time."

"This isn't good." Duncan frowned and looked toward Tessa. "Lady Theresa, I would like to introduce you to Ser Bryant, the knight-commander of the templar order in Lothering."

Tessa bowed her head in respect, "Well met, knight-commander."

"This is your recruit from Highever?" the knight asked, his dark eyes flickering over her.

"Yes, it is the one I was going after. However, treachery has fallen over Highever and we had to flee."

"What do you mean?" Bryant asked, surprise showing in his eyes.

"There are more things moving behind the scenes, it seems, while Cailan is away at war." Duncan replied. "Let us get our mounts settled in and then we will talk over dinner."

"Of course, Warden." Bryant nodded and turned to Tessa, "My lady, can I be of assistance?"

"Um, yes," she gave the templar a tired smile. Her numb fingers grabbed the reins and followed Duncan to a stall for her horse. Bryant helped her untie her pack and armor from the saddle, while she took the family sword.

Bryant's keen eyes saw the family crest and gave an intake of breath, "You are Lady Cousland!"

"Lady Cousland was my mother, ser knight." Tessa grimaced.

"She is indeed the Lady of Highever, Ser Bryant." Duncan rumbled. "She and Lord Fergus are the remaining heirs."

"Oh, Maker's Breath! What happened? We saw the Highever guard come through not three days ago."

"I will explain but not out here." Duncan assured the templar.

Bowing his head to Tessa, Bryant hefted her pack while she took her armor and walked them into the inn. The proprietor grumpily assigned them rooms but when he saw the sovereign pieces, his disposition brightened and told them there was an upstairs common room they could use for a private dinner. His eyes shifted warily at Bryant before mumbling to himself as he went to help another customer.

"It seems he has some fondness towards you, Ser Bryant." Tessa quipped.

"Yes, well, Barlin is upset that we won't take care of some infestation he has in his fields. We are here to protect citizens, not be exterminators."

Tessa set her armor down in a corner of her room and motioned for the knight to place her pack next to it. "Thank you, ser knight, for the help. I am going to freshen up before we meet with Duncan for dinner."

"Of course, my lady!" Bryant bowed and left her alone.

When Tessa changed from the dusty traveling clothes and into a simple shift, she left her room, Lluth padding along next to her and headed down to the small common room at the end of the hall. Duncan and the templar were already at the table talking about something before she entered. Ser Bryant forewent his armor, going for his order's tabard over a tunic. When he saw her, he stood up and bowed, then helped Tessa into a chair.

"I was telling Bryant about the treachery at Highever, Tessa. I hope you don't mind."

She waved a hand saying it was fine. "I'm sure you could relate the events better without breaking down in tears. You said you saw Highever's contingent pass through?"

"Yes. They didn't stay long, only long enough to fill up the water skins and resupply some of their food stores."

"Did you see a man in silverite and blue armor, carrying a shield with the Cousland arms?" Tessa asked in anticipation.

"Briefly. I didn't get to talk with any of them." Bryant shook his head.

A sigh of relief flooded through her that someone had spotted Fergus alive and well, along with his knights and guards. "At least it is visual confirmation that he is alive." She muttered softly.

"We were worried that Howe's men might have caught up with the contingent before they reached Ostagar." Duncan explained.

"I see," Bryant dipped his head. "Still, this betrayal from Arl Howe, it is unusual and especially with what is going on now."

"If I were planning a coup, this is the perfect time to do it." Tessa inserted. "I underestimated the ambitions of Rendon Howe. I never really cared for the man or his son Thomas." Tessa shuddered at the memory of the insipid younger son. "I wonder if Nathan knows what happened?" She asked more to herself than to the men at the table.

"Those are matters left for another time, Tessa. Right now, we will need to get an early start to Ostagar. We are a half-day's ride from here and I would like to be there before midday." Duncan stated.

Her eyes narrowed at the intense look in Duncan's eyes. He was anxious and worried. There was something he wasn't telling her and even if Tessa was to ask, Duncan wouldn't mention it. A serving wench brought their food to them and laid down a basket of bread and a trencher with different meat and cheeses. It was simple fare but knowing how exhausted they were, Duncan ordered easy food that wouldn't weigh them down. The wench also laid down a tankard of ale for Bryant and gave him a saucy wink. Tessa caught this and watched the knight give the faintest blush before taking a long quaff of his ale.

They talked about the gathering army and the raids, Duncan taking in the news and picking apart any tidbits from what the knight-commander said. Tessa didn't contribute much, not knowing what to say. From now on, she followed Duncan until the Joining and from there, who knew what was going to happen. Maybe she would join the fight against the darkspawn, as she had wanted before Highever's fall. Still, that uneasy feeling was roiling in her stomach, the same one she had the night before Howe's attack. Her eyes caught Duncan looking at her, as she sat there thinking and contemplating.

"It has been nice to talk with you, Ser Bryant." Ducan told the other man. "I don't mean to be rude but we do have an early start and I have some things to discuss with my recruit."

"Of course, Duncan." The templar finished his ale, stood up, giving Duncan a nod of respect, and bowed to Tessa, before leaving them alone.

"What are you thinking, Tessa?"

She blinked, surprised at Duncan's astuteness. "I had an uneasy feeling the night of Howe's betrayal, about the whole darkspawn horde and father and Fergus going away. It didn't go away and it has increased."

"Woman's intuition?" Duncan raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe," Tessa shrugged. "Something is going to happen and it is going to be bad."

"Maybe you are sensing the upcoming battle with the horde. Some people are sensitive to changes in the air." Duncan supplied.

Tessa sighed deeply, feeling tired, grumpy, and a little apprehensive. "I don't know but mother shared the same feeling as I did about this whole war."

"Get some rest. We will know soon enough, what is happening." Duncan rose from the table and waited on Tessa to do the same, walking her to her room. Lluth licked Duncan's hand, which he received a friendly pat and scratch from the Warden.

Once inside, Tessa stripped down to the thin shift and crawled under the worn blanket. Lluth stayed by her side on the floor, within reach, watchful and guarding. A yawn overtook her and eyelids slowly closed.

The tall ruins of the imperial fortress stood before them over a large bridge. Soldiers walked up and down the bridge, keeping an eye out for any more troop arrivals and any darkspawn down in the valley below. Tessa was awestruck at the immensity of the place and her pace slowed as she took in the fortress. She felt incredibly small right then. Duncan gave a soft chuckle and continued to walk onto the bridge.

"It is overwhelming at first," Duncan said, as if reading her mind. "Now that we are here, we can get ready for the Joining ritual as soon as possible."

"Why is the ritual such a secret?"

"You will find out in due time. Once we get into the camps, you will need to search out Alistair. He is our junior-most Warden and he will help you get situated and answer any questions that he is able to answer. For the mean time, Lluth will stay with me as you wander around. When you are ready, find me back at the Warden's camp."

"Ah, Duncan, you have returned!" a happy voice greeted them halfway across the bridge.

"King Cailan, I wasn't expecting a welcoming party." Duncan said in surprise.

"Well, scouts reported that you and the recruit were arriving and I needed to get away from Loghain. My lady," Cailan bowed to Tessa, blue-gray eyes twinkling, "have we met? You look familiar."

"I accompanied my father, Teyrn Bryce Cousland, a couple of times to Denerim, your Majesty." Tessa curtseyed to the young king.

"Is your father coming then?" Cailan looked behind her, as if expecting the teyrn to be coming down the road. Tessa gritted her teeth in anguish.

"He won't be coming, your Majesty." She replied bitterly.

"Oh?" Cailan blinked at Tessa's bitter tone.

"Arl Howe attacked Highever castle, your Majesty. The teyrn and teyrna are dead." Duncan supplied the news when Tessa's mouth failed to apprise the king.

Cailan's face fell into sympathy, with a touch of anger to hear about betrayal by one of his Arl's. "I'm sorry, my lady. I didn't know." He dipped his head in respect of Tessa's grief. "Once this war is done, I will deal with the Arl personally."

Tessa blinked in surprise, "T..thank you, your Majesty." How could one man switch from being an idealistic and almost naive man, to a serious ruler in a blink of an eye?

A runner came up to Cailan, breathless, "Your Majesty, Teyrn Loghain is looking for you. He wants to discuss tactics of the oncoming battle."

Cailan rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically, "Not that we haven't gone over the strategy a million times before but tell him I will be there shortly. After all, we have already one two battles!" He smiled brightly.

"I didn't realize things were going so well." Tessa spoke, echoing Duncan's thoughts as he spared her a glance.

"I am beginning to doubt that this is a true Blight." Cailan shrugged.

"Your Majesty," Duncan said with a hint of exasperation, as if he had this conversation before with the energetic king. "We haven't even seen the main horde."

"There has been no sign of an archdemon!" Cailan wailed. "I was hoping to go out there on the battlefield, fighting side-by-side with the Wardens and slay the foul archdemon in wondrous glory!"

"It is too early to tell, Cailan." Duncan sighed.

Cailan turned to the Warden and Tessa, giving her a wink, "Still, there is a battle yet to come, even if this is a Blight or not. My lady, Warden," he bowed politely and turned to follow the runner back across the bridge to the army camps.

"He's very…optimistic." Tessa said diplomatically, thought it wasn't her first choice of word in describing her first impression of the young king.

"Almost naively so." Duncan sighed and shook his head. "All he thinks about is the glory of going into battle alongside the Wardens. If it wasn't for Loghain, the army would be in disarray."

"I see."

They continued to cross the bridge and enter the main compound of the gathering army of Fereldan. Duncan took Tessa's things and bade her to find Alistair. Lluth happily joined the Warden-Commander, leaving her standing at the entrance to the temporary city of people preparing for war. Guards and soldiers walked in pairs, knights sat around little fires, attending to their armor and blades. Chantry priests were intoning the chants and off to her right, flashes and swirls of ice could be seen coming from circle mages.

Where was Fergus? Tessa wondered, as she walked slowly around the area and stopped as she saw Highever's coat-of-arms on a couple of shields. She quickly walked over to a pair of knights standing under a tree, her eyes alighting as she recognized Macha and Brand.

"My lady!" Brand exclaimed, immediately dropping to his knee in respect.

"Please, Ser Brand, get up!" Tessa insisted. "I'm so glad to see you! Macha," Tessa gave a nod to the woman knight.

"Lady Tessa, is it true?" Macha asked, worry written in her face. "A bedraggled courier came from Rainesfere, telling us the news about Highever!"

"It's true. With you leaving early with Fergus, you were spared from Arl Howe's men. But…" Tessa swallowed, holding her head up to keep the tears from falling, "the tyrn and tyrna are dead. Where is Fergus?"

"He is on a scouting mission in the Wilds. He left yesterday afternoon." Brand answered her question.

"When is he to come back?" Tessa asked, dispirited that she wouldn't see her brother before the battle.

"In a couple of days, my lady."

"Oh, no," Tessa shook her head sadly. The roiling unease in her stomach increased at this. It increased when she stepped foot in Ostagar. It seemed that destiny was rolling downhill the more she walked down the path.

"My lady," Macha came over and placed an arm around her shoulders in comfort. "Lord Fergus is doing well. He was excited to go out and scout for the king."

"Who went with him?" Tessa asked.

"Tegrin, Igraine, and Roya." Macha replied.

Tessa nodded. They were all old childhood friends and often they would hunt together. The group worked well as a team. She felt a little better that Fergus had people he trusted explicitly with his life at his back. "It is good to see you but I need to go find someone. I have to prepare for joining the Grey Wardens."

"You are going to become a Grey Warden?" Brand asked in awe. "I thought Roland was the one being tested?"

"It seems that Duncan's first choice was me." Tessa sighed.

Both Brand and Macha bowed deeply, "Good luck, my lady! May Andraste shine her blessing on you."

Tessa grasped each of their hands in thanks and left them. She stopped to ask a couple of passing pages if they had seen Alistair. She had no idea who he was or what he looked like. One of the pages pointed her up to a section above the quartermaster and said he was last seen talking with a circle mage. The young woman thanked the boy, giving him a silver, to which he grinned widely at her, bowed and scampered off.

She headed toward the area beyond the quartermaster, still taking in the immensity of the ruins and the amazing architecture of the ages past. Through many wars throughout the land, so much was lost regarding art, architecture, sciences, and medicine. Tessa wondered what it must have felt like to walk the grand fortress in its glory days.

"I will not come scampering whenever the revered mother snaps her fingers!" an irate voice said loudly as Tessa approached an area were two men stood in the middle of an open circle.

"I'm just delivering a message, ser mage." The armored man said, though there was a mischievous glint in his eye, as he was enjoying harassing the circle mage.

Tessa stood off to the side and watched, not wanting to interrupt the younger man's delightful torment of the mage. However, the man tried to keep a rather straight face when talking with the mage.

"What her Reverence 'desires' is of no concern to me! I am busy helping the Grey Wardens—by the king's orders, I might add!" the mage's nostrils flared in annoyance.

"Should I have asked her to write a note?" the young soldier looked so innocent, if not for the sardonic lift at the corner of his mouth.

The mage's face started to turn red, "Tell her I will not be harassed in this manner!"

"Yes, I was harassing you by delivering a message," the younger man's eyebrow quirked up in mock disbelief.

"Your glibness does you no credit." The mage sniffed.

"Here I thought we were getting along so well. I was even going to name one of my children after you…the grumpy one!" the man finally cracked a mirthful grin.

The mage sighed in exasperation, holding a hand up toward the young man. "Enough! I will speak to the woman if I must! Get out of my way, fool!" Then the mage stalked past the other man, mumbling under his breath about annoying Wardens.

The young man spotted Tessa and smiled at her. "You know, one good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together." He lost it and laughed hard.

Tessa chuckled, giving him a handclap, "I know exactly what you mean."

"It's like a party; we could all stand in a circle and hold hands. That would give the darkspawn something to think about." The man's hazel eyes danced merrily and suddenly, he sobered up, "Wait, we haven't met, have we? I don't suppose you happen to be another mage?"

"Does it look like I'm wearing robes and carrying a large stick around?" Tessa cocked her head to the side, her mouth quirking up in a crooked grin.

"No, but then you could be in disguise, ready to pounce and turn me into a toad."

"Don't worry, I'm no mage, serrah."

"Wait a minute, I do know who you are! You're Duncan's new recruit from Highever! I should have recognized you right away. I apologize." He gave her a slight tilt of his head.

"No offense taken." Tessa accepted his apology.

"Good, it wouldn't do me any good to insult the latest recruit on the first meeting. You haven't exactly caught me at my finest moment with the mage. Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Alistair, though you might have guessed that by now."

"Well, after a while, yes." Tessa acknowledged. "I'm Tessa, late of Highever."

"I'm sorry to hear what happened. We all heard the news from the courier the other day." Alistair bowed his head in sympathy. Straightening his shoulders, he got down to business with Tessa. "As the junior member of the order, I'll be accompanying you when you prepare for the Joining." Then he paused and looked Tessa over. "You know…it just occurred to me that there have never been many women in the Grey Wardens. I wonder why that is?"

Tessa leaned back on her heels and looked at the junior Warden, barely able to contain her own mirth at the man's easy humor and sidetracking of conversation. "You would like more women in the Grey Wardens, do you?"

"Would that be so terrible?" Alistair grinned. "Not that I'm some drooling lecher or anything!" Alistair started to get a little flushed with embarrassment. Tessa stared incredulously at Alistair. "Please stop looking at me like that."

"Easy, Alistair, I'm not going to bite your head off and make a snack of it." Tessa laughed. "The only thing you might be wary of is my Sword of Truthiness."

"Sword of Truthiness?" Alistair looked at Tessa in confusion.

She sighed heavily and shook her head. "Nevermind."

"I'm curious, have you ever actually encountered darkspawn before?"

Tessa shook her head, "Have you?"

Alistair's face grew serious, the easy smile disappearing. Tessa actually missed it, as it seemed natural for the man to be smiling. "When I fought my first one, I wasn't prepared for how monstrous it was. I can't say I'm looking forward to encountering another." Shaking his head clear of some memory about darkspawn, Alistair looked at Tessa, "Anyhow, whenever you're ready, let's head back to Duncan. I imagine he's eager to get things started."

He started to walk, holding out his arm to invite Tessa to join. She easily fell in step with the young Warden. Their strides easily matched each other as they took a leisurely pace back to the camps. "I'm curious, that argument I walked in on with the mage, what was it about?" Tessa asked. "That is if I'm not prying."

"Oh, that. The Circle is here at the king's request and the Chantry doesn't like that one bit. They just love letting mages know how unwelcome they are. Which puts me in a bit of an awkward position." Alistair glanced at Tessa before continuing, "I was once a templar."

"That is awkward," Tessa agreed.

"Indeed. I'm sure the revered mother meant it as an insult—sending me as her messenger—and the mage picked right up on that." Alistair gave a derisive snort at the irony.

"Then why go?" Tessa asked, curious to why the man agreed to take on the task.

"I never would have agreed but Duncan says we're all to cooperate and get along. Apparently, they didn't get the same speech."

"So, in the interest of mutual cooperation, you delivered the message."

"And to not aggravate Duncan any further." Alistair quipped, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"He does tend to get people to do as he asks." Tessa agreed. "Some could take lessons from him in diplomacy."

"So, you have firsthand experience."

"We did spend the last week or so, on the road together. Even though I've learned quite a bit about Duncan, there is still a lot there to get to know."

"Yup, that's Duncan." Alistair brightened.

"So, Alistair, what can you tell me about the Joining?" Tessa pried gently.

Alistair stopped walking and looked at her. "I can't really tell you anything that you won't find out eventually. It's not my place, for one, and secondly, if anyone knew that…"He shook his head and sighed, looking around to see if Duncan was nearby or another Warden. "Look, I can't tell you much but there is a reason why the Joining is a secret. Not many recruits make it."

"What happens?"

"I've already said too much, Tessa." Alistair pressed his lips shut and started walking toward Duncan's encampment.

Duncan sent the band of recruits with junior Warden into the Korcari Wilds. Tessa heard all the children tale's about the Wilds and how the barbarians would kidnap naughty children and raise them as their own. This was the first time she had been somewhere without her mabari and Tessa missed the hound's presence. Soon enough, Tessa got a real sense of Daveth and Ser Jory. Daveth was easy going and rolled with whatever came their way. Ser Jory whined, complained, and panicked easily. How he ever became a knight, Tessa didn't understand.

They ran into a couple of packs of rabid wolves and made short work of them. Dodging their snapping maws was even stretching her agility to the limits. Alistair, however, was always at her side, bashing his shield into a wolf that nipped too close at her heels. Tessa nodded her thanks and wiped the gore off her blades on a dead wolf. Jory's eyes were white-rimmed and flickering all around as if expecting some demon to pop out of the woods next.

As they walked further into the Wilds, skirting a marshy area, they heard a feeble call for help. Tessa rushed forward first, Alistair calling out to her but she ignored him. After what happened at Highever, anyone human that was hurt from an ambush deserved her attention.

A wounded guard crawled on the ground away from something, terror in his eyes. Tessa looked around at the wreckage of a couple of wagons and then the bodies lying among the tall grass, blood congealing in pools around them.

"What happened, serrah?" Tessa asked the wounded man, helping turn him to his side so she could see his midsection.

"We were ambushed! Darkspawn came from nowhere and cut us down!" The look of terror in his eyes was what made his tale believable.

"Darkspawn? Here?" Jory's voice hitched.

"Don't worry, ser knight. I would know when darkspawn are nearby. That is why I am here." Alistair assured the man.

"What did you think Wardens did?" Daveth asked with a little bit of dry sarcasm. Tessa hid her smile from the thief.

"Can you make it to camp?"

"If I have to crawl, I will!" the man nodded fervently.

"I have some bandages here to patch him up until he gets to the encampment." Alistair set his pack down and dug through it, retrieving the bandages. He handed it to Tessa, who took it and asked the soldier undo his leather jerkin. The man complied and Tessa gently wrapped his midsection. It wasn't much and for good measure, gave him a light dose of a healing draught. The soldier thanked her profusely and hobbled away, heading back to the way they came from.

"That was nice of you." Alistair told her quietly.

"It was the least I could do. I understand the terror he is going through with seeing everyone around you die."

Alistair looked deeply into her eyes, making Tessa feel a little uncomfortable and he stood up, heaving his pack onto his back. Tessa stood up after him and looked at the other two recruits. "Ser Jory, please pull yourself together. There is a war coming and there will be far worse in the upcoming days than this little tragedy." Tessa spoke.

"B..but I have a wife in Highever, a child on the way!"

"And I am the lady of Highever, Ser Jory, and I can tell you, if your family found any solace from the savagery that was met the night Arl Howe attacked, then they are lucky to have their lives. For mine did not!" Tessa bit out with some heat.

Jory's eyes widened further before he bowed his head to her. "Lady Cousland! I'm sorry!" He snapped his mouth shut and kept quiet. Daveth looked at Tessa with a smirk and newfound respect. Alistair blinked and shook his head.

Tessa's mouth set into a hard line as she moved forward down the little path through the marsh in the Wilds. She kept enough civility in her toward the knight in order to complete the task set before them by Duncan.

It wasn't long before they came upon the remains of a scouting party hanging from an overturned tree across two bluffs. Tessa stared into the bloated and dark faces of the swinging men, feeling ill but still checked to see if any of them were Fergus and his party. When they weren't, she breathed easier.

"Damn, this was Ser Uric's party." Alistair shook his head and spoke to her, leaving Jory and Daveth walking rear. "He was one of Cailan's knights."

"I'm sorry. I'm just glad it wasn't my brother." Tessa replied.

A low eerie growling sound filled the air, having the little party stop and raise their weapons. Tessa tuned in to the sound, realizing it wasn't coming from an animal and it didn't come from any particular direction. Her uncanny sense turned around just as the ground exploded a dark glint of a sharp blade swung toward her back. Her sword whistled and clanged against the blade, knocking the opponents backstab attempt wide. Alistair shouted out as three more darkspawn sprouted. He cursed as he swung his sword and shield about sneaky darkspawn.

The stench from the beasts almost made Tessa retch and as she got a closer look, she wished she hadn't looked. The face was grotesque, with blackened flesh stretched over a deformed skull. The eyes were blood red and filled with hate and hunger. This was enough to send a shiver of despair down Tessa's spine. How is the army of Fereldan supposed to fight these things? She ducked from another swing and then cried out as her sword slashed at the midsection of the darkspawn, spilling the beasts insides out onto the ground. She didn't stop as her body danced over to help Jory, both of her blades sinking into the back of the darkspawn the knight was fighting.

The darkspawn Alistair had gave a final gurgle as he slammed his sword into its chest. As Tessa looked over to him, she took notice that his eyes where milky white.

"Tessa! Behind you!" Alistair yelled.

She spun around and met with a rushing knife from the remaining darkspawn. With a growl of her own, her knife hand came around and sliced across the beast's throat. The darkspawn spewed dark blood and sank to the ground at her feet. Breathing heavily, Tessa spit out the little bit of blood from her mouth and looked over to her companions. Jory was heaving, his great sword fallen to the ground, and pale as a sheet. Daveth looked a little green but was no worse for the wear. Her eyes found Alistair, just as the milky white color started fading to hazel.

"Oh, Maker," she groaned and bent over losing the contents of her stomach.

Cool hands rested on her forehead and kept her hair from her face while she got sick. When her stomach stopped heaving, Tessa spit out any remaining sickness from her mouth and wiped the back of her hand across her lips. Alistair's calming voice reached through the buzzing in her head. "If it helps, this was my reaction too when I first killed darkspawn."

Her eyes glanced over to see Alistair in her vision. He blocked her unseemly state from the other two men, for which she was thankful. "You could have warned us that they smelled horrible!" Her mouth trembled into a small smile.

"Some things you have to experience on your own." Alistair gave a small chuckle. "Feeling better?" he asked with concern.

"Not really but I will be fine." Tessa straightened shakily. Alistair's hands left her and reached into one of his pouches for the vials Duncan gave him. He handed one to her, giving a nod and went to the others.

When they collected the dark viscous darkspawn blood, the group continued into the Wilds to search for the treaties. They ran into two more groups of darkspawn, seeing different kinds than they being all the same. The latest one had a spellcaster, which had the group dodging from the fireballs it was casting toward them. Tessa screamed, the edges of her vision going red as she charged the magic wielding darkspawn, knife and sword flashing in the murky sun, and cut into thing. The darkspawn actually had a look of surprise at the mad rush of the woman and failed to defend itself. With sword stuck through its stomach, Tessa viciously back swiped her long knife across its throat. With her booted foot, she kicked the darkspawn off her blade, watching its twitching death on the ground.

The men stopped what they were doing and looked toward her, surprise and shock on their faces. Alistair finished cleaning his sword and walked over to Tessa, who stood over the darkspawn, unmoving. He had seen a couple of Wardens get this way but they were already part of the order. Those Wardens were also senior members and leaders. They took a vicious pleasure in fighting their old enemy, fighting with an almost holy vengeance. The young lady from Highever stood like that, an aura of power exuding from her, tall and strong as a warrior queen. Shaking his head, he reached out the clasp Tessa's shoulder.

She turned her face to him, blinking, and snapping out of the battle rage. "I'm done." Tessa said calmly.

"Good because I think the tower is just over the rise." Alistair said with a hint of fear in his voice.

"Magic wielding darkspawn? Just how many types of darkspawn are there?"

"A few." Alistair simply stated.

As they approached the ruined tower, everyone noticed that the chest where the treaties were held was splintered in pieces. Tessa knelt down, sifted through the wreckage, and frowned. There was no sign of the Warden treaties. Hope dimmed in her that they would only get a part of their task done. A movement from the corner of her vision brought her attention from the ruin of the chest and over to a sauntering form of a woman walking out of the shadows.

"Well, well, what have we here?" a dark haired woman said lazily, strange wolf-colored amber eyes looking to her and flicking briefly to the rest of the party. "Are you a vulture, I wonder? Or a scavenger poking through bones long since cleaned? Or merely an intruder coming into these darkspawn filled wilds of mine in search of easy prey."

Tessa stood up slowly and watched the woman walk down the ramp from the tower toward them. Alistair made to move but she held a hand out to stay him. The woman stopped and gave a stern glare at Tessa.

"What say you? Scavenger or intruder?"

"Neither." Tessa replied, meeting the other woman's stare head on. "This tower belonged to the Wardens."

"It is a tower no longer! The Wilds have obviously claimed this desiccated corpse. I watched your progress for some time since coming into the Wilds." The woman walked around Tessa, keeping her eyes on her while sizing her up. "Where do they go, I wondered. Why are they here?"

Alistair moved to stand at Tessa's back, his hand resting on his sword. "Don't answer her. She looks Chasind and there may be others nearby."

The woman shivered mockingly, "You fear barbarians will swoop down upon you?"

"Yes," Alistair gave a mocking glare toward her, "swooping is bad."

"She's a witch of the Wilds, she is!" Daveth piped up nervously, "She'll turn us into toads!"

She snorted in disgust, "Witch of the Wilds? Such idle fancies, those legends. Have you no minds of your own?" The woman glared at Alistair, Jory, and Daveth in turn before turning her amber gaze on Tessa. "You're a woman, what say you? Tell me your name and I will tell you mine."

"I am Tessa. Pleasure to make your acquaintance." Tessa gave a slight nod of her head.

"And I am called Morrigan. It is good to see that some of you have manners." Morrigan stopped in front of Tessa gain, barely giving Alistair any notice. "Shall I guess your purpose? You seek some treaties that were once contained in yonder chest, yes?"

"Once contained? You mean they are no longer there?" Alistair blurted out, which got him a disgusted look from Morrigan.

"Yes, they are here no longer. My mother decided to move them, to keep them safe from the ravages of the many beasts that roam the Wilds."

"Here no longer? You stole them…like some kind of sneaky…witch-thief! Those documents are Grey Warden property and I suggest you return them." Alistair stated harshly. Tessa stepped on Alistair's foot gently to tell him to be quiet. He winced and settled down, glowering at the newcomer.

"And where is your mother and would she be kind enough to let us have those treaties?" Tessa asked congenially.

"Well, you can ask but giving them away will be at her whim. I have no say as to what she does or says. Come, I will take you to her."

"Thank you, Morrigan." Tessa said.

"You are far friendlier than your companions, Tessa." Morrigan gave her a slight inclination of her head. The witch turned and headed over the broken wall and into the forest.

Tessa made a step forward but felt Alistair's hand stopping her. "I don't trust her, Tessa." He said quietly. "For all we know, she is taking us back to her hut to put us in her stew."

"Alistair," Tessa sighed in exasperation. "come, now, those are old wive's tales. If they have the treaties, then we better retrieve them, don't you think?"

"Yes, but…"

"It's getting late and we need to get back. I am determined that we get what we came here for." Tessa's eyes hardened.

Alistair sighed and nodded, "Just keep an eye on her, Tessa, that is all I'm trying to say."

"I will." Tessa turned and followed Morrigan into the woods.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: I Am Grey  
>Author: CelticWolfwalker<br>Game: Dragon Age  
>characterspairing: F!Cousland, Duncan, Alistair, Loghain

_My second sacrifice came the night I went through the Joining. I went from your average noble woman to becoming a legend. The cost was high, however, as my life was shortened. Was the sacrifice worth it in the end? _

_Yes, it was. _

_From the journals of Theresa Cousland_

CHAPTER FIVE

Evening was casting a deep shade on the gate to the army encampment as the Grey Warden recruits and Warden guide approached tiredly. After a brief visit with Morrigan and the hut she stayed in with her mother, they rushed through the Wilds to make it back by dark. The guard saw them and opened the gate up. Tessa thanked him as the weary group trudged toward Duncan's camp. The happy sound of Tessa's mabari barking brought a smile to her weary face. The war hound trotted up to her and placed his forepaws on her shoulders.

"That's my good puppy! Tessa cooed. "Did you help keep Duncan in line?'

Lluth barked, his rear shaking excitedly. Tessa scratched his ears and told him to get down. Alistair shook his head and eyed the mabari with wariness. Duncan walked out of his tent and approached them. "Was your trip successful?"

"Yes it was. Darkspawn blood and treaties gathered. However, the treaties were not where you said they were." Tessa said to Duncan.

"It was in the hands of a witch-thief." Alistair frowned.

Duncan raised an eyebrow at that, "But you have them now."

"So, what is the darkspawn blood used for?" Tessa asked, Daveth and Jory closing in behind her to hear the answer.

"It is used in the Joining, Tessa. I won't get into more details until it is ready to take place. Now, please, finish whatever you need to do while I get with the Circle to prepare the ritual." Duncan said, effectively dismissing them.

"Duncan, I'll…"

"Alistair, I'll need your help." Duncan gave him a stern look.

Alistair looked forlornly at Tessa and the others but sighed and joined Duncan as the Warden-Commander started to head to the Circle's encampment. Ser Jory went off by himself to do whatever. The trip in the Wilds had shaken the man and Tessa wondered if he would make it through the ritual. Daveth excused himself and mentioned something about finding something to eat. That left Tessa alone with her mabari.

"Well, boy, what should we do? It's still early in the evening." Tessa shuddered as the chill of approaching night got to her. Grabbing her cloak, she swung it around her shoulders and started to wander out through Ostagar. Not far from Duncan's camp was the royal encampment. The lavish pavilion with a guard in front must be Cailan's, she thought. She steered clear of it and bumped into a wall of a man in her path.

"Watch where you are going!" the deep voice practically snarled.

"So sorry, ser, I…" She looked up and stopped. Tessa had bumped into Teyrn Loghain, the hero of River Dane, and the people's champion. He was dark, broody, had hawkish features but the clear blue eyes stood out in his aging features, which were intense and intelligent. However, Tessa also saw a hint of hidden pain and sorrow in them, behind the aggravation toward her carelessness.

Loghain stopped himself from snarling something else and blinked slowly. "You are Duncan's latest recruit, are you not?"

"Yes, my lord." Tessa gave a polite tilt of her head.

He returned the courtesy with a slight bow. "Lady Theresa, I apologize then for my manners."

"Please, ser, I am just Tessa now. There is no Highever anymore."

"Ah, yes, I heard about the attack on your family. It is a great tragedy." Loghain shuffled a little as if anxious to be off to somewhere and then changed his mind. "Have you eaten?"

Tessa blinked at the innocuous question. "No, ser, I haven't. It's been a rather rushed day with only dry rations to nibble on."

Loghain sighed and jerked his head toward the pavilion next to them. "Come then, let's get something into you. I can't believe Duncan doesn't feed his recruits." The man grumbled.

"It's not Duncan's fault! Everyone else had already eaten before I arrived and then I got caught up in events…" her voice trailed off as Loghain held the flap open for her. She blinked her eyes to adjust to the lighting inside. It was pleasantly furnished with rugs and chairs and a table the contained a slew of maps on them. Another table held covered dishes that emanated delicious scents to her nose.

"Fresh rabbit. I caught them myself this morning. Nothing fancy but it still is meat and will fill the belly." Loghain intoned as his fingers started unbuckling his armor.

"I don't mind rabbit. Lluth here is a great hunter for them." She smiled shyly. The mabari gave a bark of assent.

"A lady who knows how to hunt, odd." Loghain looked intensely at Tessa, making her feel like her skin was being peeled away to expose her soul.

"Not in Highever, ser." Tessa untied her cloak and made to slid it off when she felt hands take the material off her shoulders. "My brother and I would hunt fresh game for the larder or when we had guests visit. I think mother thought it was a way to get her exuberant children out of the castle and keep from embarrassing the family." Tessa laughed.

The intimidating teyrn quirked a smile that disappeared a short time later. "Mothers are like that. They love their children but if they are wild or precocious, they want to minimize any damage done by them."

"Sounds like you have experience, ser." Tessa thanked him as he held out a chair out for her.

"I have a grown daughter that has had her share of…trying moments. And I do not forget my own wild youth and my own mother's exasperation with me." The man smiled again, this time it held longer at the corners of his mouth. "And please, stop with the 'ser' business. This is an informal dinner. I stand enough on formality all day that my tent is my respite from it." Loghain took the lids off the dishes and served Tessa with a one rabbit and a large helping of potatoes and vegetables, before filling his own plate.

"I will try to remember that, s..uh," Tessa stumbled, not wanting to be so informal to call this great man by his first name.

He looked to her, his eyes waiting for her finish her sentence.

"L..Loghain." Tessa picked up her fork and skewered a potato.

"Good girl. It is just fair, as you have given me your informal name. So, what are you doing wandering the camp and bumping into people?"

"Wasting time?" Tessa chewed on the potato and swallowed, grabbing for a carrot next. Lluth watched her intently, sitting still but occasionally licking his muzzle.

Loghain tossed the mabari a rabbit, which Lluth barked a thanks and tore into the food. "You looked a little lost, Tessa."

"I guess I am. Everyone has been here for some time and I arrived just today. Except for finding some of my family's knights, I feel out of place." Now why did she say that? It was true but she was blathering on to a man she didn't know and whose intense eyes shook her to the core. Tessa felt she had to be wary with Loghain. The man exuded strength and a dark charisma, one you expected of a great hero and general.

"I can understand that feeling. When Maric first arrived at my father's camp, he must have felt the same way." Loghain's eyes widened slightly as if surprised that he told this young woman about the first time Cailan's father and he had met. "Many of us have been displaced from our homes by the Orlesians but Maric never knew a steady home his whole life."

"I guess we take some things for granted." Tessa said quietly, her fingers picking apart the rabbit on her plate.

"Are you looking forward to becoming a Warden, Tessa?" Loghain asked abruptly.

"Duncan feels that I would make a good Warden. He mentioned something about I had good character and temperament that is needed."

"That didn't answer my question."

Tessa's eyes looked up and at Loghain, who was giving her a measured look. "Do I want to be a Warden? Well, I've had childhood dreams about becoming one and entertained the thought when Duncan visited. I accepted his offer. I wasn't conscripted, if that is what you are getting at."

Loghain continued to search her face, taking a slow bite off his rabbit before setting it down and wiped his fingers on a napkin. "I wonder what a recruit thinks about joining the Grey Wardens. They haven't been back in Fereldan for very long and there are so few now to help fight off the darkspawn." He paused and then asked another question. "Are you a capable fighter?"

"I like to think so. I can hold my own against some of the better knights."

"You are either assured of your skills or you are arrogant."

Tessa halted her fork at Loghain's bluntness, suddenly losing any appetite to finish her dinner. Lluth's hackles rose as he sensed his mistress's mood. Slowly and politely, Tessa set her fork down and took the napkin off her lap. She put her hands on the table and made to get up. Loghain's eyes flashed at her.

"Please, sit back down, Tessa, and finish your dinner. I didn't mean to offend. I've been accused of coming off as being rather…blunt to the point of rudeness."

"I see." Tessa replied stiffly, settling back into her chair.

"You see, I question the Grey Warden's motives. Always have since Maric let them back into Fereldan. I'm a patriot to Fereldan and do not want to see foreigners come in and wreak havoc."

"But over the past twenty years, most Grey Wardens, are Fereldan themselves."

"True." Loghain dipped his head in acknowledgment. "I would have never believed in darkspawn if I had not had the pleasure of traveling the Deep Roads and run afoul of them myself." The man gave a slight shudder at an old memory.

"Do you believe that this is a Blight?" Tessa asked.

"No." Loghain said with simplicity. "These are just some random skirmishes that have a couple of major battles. But there has been no sign of the main horde, or even an archdemon."

"Do you know what an archdemon is or what it looks like?"

"Only the vague descriptions of what the texts and chants say. You would think, if this a Blight, the archdemon would making an appearance first, before the horde of darkspawn." Loghain rested back in his chair, his fingers playing with his dinner knife. "Do you believe there is a Blight coming?" He turned the question on her.

This man was testing and prodding her, Tessa surmised. A dangerous man, one that was searching for answers to questions he only knew. She fought the urge to fidget under his intense blue stare. Her instincts were telling her to be careful and not trust the man. Loghain had a hidden agenda and it somehow involved the Grey Wardens. Now she understood his battle tactics. Loghain liked to keep the enemy off balance. While she thought about the answer, Tessa picked at a floret of broccoli and bit into it.

"I can't say for certain if there is nor isn't a Blight coming." Tessa said carefully, testing her words before speaking. "I do have a…gut instinct that something bad is coming to Fereldan. It has me worried."

"Ah, women's intuition." His lips twitched into a small smirk.

"Call it what you will but it has never steered me wrong." Tessa clipped her words in annoyance.

"Peace, Tessa." Loghain held his hand up in a placating gesture. "I'd be a fool if I ignored women's intuition. Some of the best fighters I've fought beside in my years have been women."

She narrowed her eyes at Loghain. He was brusque, forceful, and yet apologized for his words to her. This was a complicated man, one who kept his thoughts close to his heart. Silence hung in the air between them for a few moments. Lluth gave a little whimper, not sure of what was going on.

"You are an interesting woman, Tessa." Loghain said suddenly. "Very knowledgeable with politics and history, but have a strong sense of instinct and survival. I do not find those traits in much of today's young men and women. Add to that, beautiful and intelligent. Are all Highever women like you?"

Tessa's jaw clenched, fighting down a surge of irritation and shock at Loghain. "The teyrn and teyrna made sure their children and knights had a well rounded education and training. We were not given the luxury to rest on our laurels."

Loghain nodded, "Maric made a good choice in choosing your family as successor to the throne, should there be no heir to the Calenhad line."

Warning bells went off in her head when Loghain said that. He said it in an even tone but it was almost quiet and a sort of confirmation on something he was pondering. Tessa stood up from her chair and rubbed her palms on her legs. She looked for her cloak only to have Loghain stand up and take long strides over to where he draped it across a chest.

"Thank you, Loghain, for dinner and company." Tessa said politely.

"The pleasure was mine. It was good to have a respite from strategizing or arguing with Cailan. It was good to meet you, Tessa. If this isn't a Blight, I will see what can be done about Highever."

Tessa opened her mouth to say something and snapped shut, opting to keep quiet about her thoughts. This great man was a patriot and hero but in Tessa's eyes, Loghain was dangerous. It set her on edge. Giving a soft whistle, Tessa called her mabari to her side. Her fingers hooked into the wide studded collar as she looked into the teyrn's guarded face. Whatever Loghain was keeping to himself, it made him sad, Tessa noticed the subtle expression at the corner of his eyes.

She held out her hand in farewell, expected a handclasp. The older man surprised her in taking her fingers in his large hand and raised her hand to his lips, brushing a warm and light courtly kiss to her fingers. "Fare thee well, Lady Theresa. Good luck with the Joining."

"Thank you." Ducking her head, Tessa headed out of Loghain's pavilion and into the cool night air. The sun had fully set and the stars were out shimmering in the Thedas' sky. The guard nodded to her as she walked past and headed away. She had no idea where she was going but she had to get away.

"Ah, there you are!" Alistair's chipper voice sounded in her ear. "You know, contemplating how painful the fall is compared to the Joining is rather morbid."

Tessa shook her head, smiling at the young Warden who settled next to on the retaining wall of the catapult tower. "Is the Joining painful then?" she prodded.

"Ah, I didn't say that! I was just giving something in context, you know, if you needed something to compare to…oh, never mind." Alistair grumbled.

She couldn't help it, Tessa laughed at the flustered man. It was adorable how he dissembled so easily with her. "I think I will know soon enough. But I wasn't contemplating the fall to the valley below, I was just thinking over the last couple of weeks. I never had a chance to really sit and take in the events that got me here. To know that my brother is so close yet out of reach…" Tessa sighed deeply, looking back out to the moonlit valley.

"I'm rather envious." Alistair said.

"Why?" Tessa glanced at the man.

"You have family, actually knew your family, and had a life with them. I didn't know my parents." His shoulders slumped as Alistair's elbows rested on his knees, hands dangling between them.

"I'm sorry, Alistair. Sometimes, it isn't all it's cracked up to be. We fought, bickered, and disliked each other some days."

"But you still had someone to love and knew would be there for you."

"Yeah, but now, I don't have that." Tessa hung her head, the light blonde hair cascading and hiding her face.

"Hey," Alistair said softly, his hand reaching over to brush Tessa's hair behind her ear. "When you become a Grey Warden, you will have a new family."

Silver tracks shone in the moonlight as Tessa silently cried. Alistair felt awkward in whether to give the young woman comfort or not. Instead, he reached for her hand and squeezed it. "It will be okay, Tessa." Alistair reassured the young woman.

"When Howe's head is on a pike, then it will be okay." Tessa whispered fiercely.

"Come on, it's time." Alistair stood up the wall and offered a hand up to Tessa.

They walked through the center of the royal encampments, past the queartermaster and up the ramp to where Tessa first met Alistair. However, they went past the open circle and passed a ruined wall to another enclosure. An altar was set up with a silver chalice sitting there. Duncan wasn't around as Alistair and Tessa approached. Jory was pacing and Daveth lounged on a crumbled window ledge.

"What is going on? Are we waiting for another test? Haven't I proven myself already?" Jory's loud voice showed his nervousness about the upcoming Joining. "What kind of order keeps their recruitment process a secret?"

"It will take as many tests that are needed to be sure we are prepared to join the Grey Wardens, ser knight." Daveth spoke as he hopped off his perch. "I would gladly walk into the Blight and know that I was chosen for a higher purpose."

"That is a commendable attitude, Daveth." Tessa nodded to the thief. "Ser Jory, you were chosen because you have something that would be useful to the Grey Wardens. So, really, quite your bellyaching and accept your fate, for what you do is something bigger than your small world."

"But…"

"Ah, good, you are all here." Duncan's voice approached the group as he strode passed Tessa and went to stand in front of the altar. "We are now ready for the last test of the Joining ritual."

"Will you tell us now what the darkspawn blood is for now?" Daveth asked.

"Yes." Duncan nodded. "I had you get the blood as it is what we drink during the Joining." He paused as looks of disbelief and shock registered on the recruits faces. "This is how we sense darkspawn, by taking in a part of them into us. It is poison and I will admit, not everyone lives through the Joining."

"W..what?" Jory stuttered, his eyes opening wider to where white showed all around.

"Surely you would have had some in stock for these rituals." Tessa asked, surprised at how steady her voice remained.

"We do but the effort to go and get it had to be made." Duncan dipped his head. "You had to face darkspawn first before you take in their essence. Unfortunately, this also means that while we can sense them, they can sense us."

"A trade off for this little perk." Alistair quipped lightly.

Daveth straightened his shoulders and stepped forward. "I'm not afraid. I am ready to do the Joining." The bold thief gave a nod of his head and put on a brave face. Tessa chewed at her lower lip, nerves making her stomach feel queasy all of a sudden.

"Thank you, Daveth. First, there are some words we say before the Joining. Alistair, if you would please speak the words."

"Sure, Duncan." Alistair stood straighter and looked at each of the recruits in turn before starting in a strong, firm voice. "Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you."

Alistair's voice trailed off in the still night, all the Warden recruits silent. Duncan turned to the altar and brought the silverite chalice forward between his hands. "Daveth, please step forward and accept the Joining of the Grey Wardens."

The thief strode forward, a nervous smile flitting across his mouth but he stood before Duncan and the chalice with confidence. Duncan intoned new words as he held out the chalice to Daveth. "In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice. Daveth, will you join the ranks of the Grey Wardens?"

Daveth took the chalice and drank his fill of the lyrium infused, darkspawn blood. Duncan took the chalice back and watched Daveth's immediate reaction. The thief's body stiffened and when he opened his eyes, they were milky white. Tessa watched avidly but fear crept in her heart, as Daveth started gasping and clawing at his throat. He fell to his knees, a soundless cry working from his mouth. Then he fell face first to the ground, never to move again. Tessa closed her eyes in sorrow.

"May you find peace at the Maker's side." Duncan said solemnly, turning next to Jory. The knight looked wide-eyed with fear at Duncan.

"What if we refuse to go through the ritual?" the knight's voice cracked while he stepped backward from the approached Warden Commander.

"There is no turning back, Jory." Duncan said evenly.

"But…I have a wife and a child on the way! I don't want this!" Jory drew his sword.

"Once you go down the path of becoming a Grey Warden, there is no going back. There is a reason this is a secret." Duncan stated, drawing his own knives on the retreating knight.

"No!" Jory yelled, swinging his sword in front of him, thinking of keeping Duncan at length. Duncan quickly stormed the knight and rammed him against the wall. Jory's eyes gazed to Duncan in surprise, his fingers opening, and the steel falling with a clang to the ground. Duncan rested a hand behind the knights head and eased the man down to the ground. When Jory gave his last breath, Duncan moved back and withdrew his knife from between the armor plates of the knight's armor.

"I'm sorry, Jory, there is no going back." Duncan shook his head in regret.

Tessa's body started to shake as she quickly realized it was her turn. What if she died? There was no running now as Duncan would hunt her down and kill her. There was a reason why the ritual was secret. Not many survived the Joining and to keep the ritual secret, those that refused were killed to silence them. There was no guarantee that whatever Duncan saw in her, that Tessa would live after drinking the concoction in the chalice. Who would tell Fergus that she had died? He would be the last of the Cousland's then, if he yet lived and came back from his scouting venture.

"Tessa," she felt Duncan's gentle hand on her shoulder. "it's your turn."

"Is this normal?" Tessa asked the Warden Commander, a slight tremor evident in her voice.

"Yes."

Taking in a deep and slow breath, Tessa steadied her nerves and insides. Giving Duncan a nod saying she was ready, Tessa shook out her hands so they weren't trembling. Her eyes glanced over to Alistair, who waited stoically, faint sorrow in his amber hazel eyes evident. Duncan held out the Joining chalice to Tessa, waiting. She looked down into the dark depths of the chalice, surprised that the stars and moon were not reflected in the liquid. Tessa reached up and wrapped her hands around the bowl, taking the chalice firmly. She brought it up slowly to her lips, now smelling the taint on the blood that was sickeningly sweet and cloying with death. Forcing the smell from her nose, Tessa closed her eyes and tilted the chalice up.

The lyrium in the darkspawn blood tingled when it hit her tongue. When Tessa forced her muscles to swallow, did the darkspawn blood hit her senses. It was like fire and then ice, going down her throat. The coldness spread outward through her body, sending pricks of ice through her nerves. Then she felt dark filth, such as if she hadn't bathed in a week, crawl over her skin. Tessa's vision slowly blackened, a pinprick of light showing deep in the darkness. The pinprick grew brighter, searing her optic nerves and her body with sudden fire. She screamed, her body falling to the knees at the pain racking through her. Sibilant whispers filled her hearing, then becoming a drowning drone of noise that formed a strange song. The vision was hazy as the voices formed a multitude of creatures marching. They sang to something that was compelling them and her to follow.

A dark looming form was ahead of her, its song a differing tone that added a strange and alien harmony. It was beautiful and horrifying all at once. The song was simple and complex, forming an endless tune that never repeated. It pulled at Tessa, inviting her to join the darkness, become part of the song. Tessa followed the call, her feet leaden but unerringly moving forward to the compelling master of the music.

As she approached the dark shape, Tessa tried to make out what it was that was making the beautiful music. Eyes snapped open, blood red, and full of fire. It stared at her, searing through her mind and body with terrible power. Tessa screamed again, her soul rending the sound from her until she trembled violently and met with a peaceful blackness.

"This Joining had a heavy cost, Duncan!" Alistair said in a harsh whisper.

"I know, Alistair, but she made it, as I thought she would."

"But the others…"

"Sometimes some things are necessary! We have to do what it takes to battle this Blight." The heavy weary voice of Duncan pierced her awakening consciousness.

Tessa blinked, her eyes feeling extremely dry and heavy. The little bit of light from somewhere was enough to make her shut them again. Slowly easing her eyes open again, Tessa saw the dark roof of a tent. Her limbs felt extremely heavy and it hurt to move. The slight groan from her lips must have alerted the two men to her side.

"Welcome back to the living!" Alistair smiled down at Tessa, relief echoed in his eyes. "You had us worried when you didn't come out of it after a couple of hours."

"W..what…" Tessa licked at her lips and swallowed the bitter metallic taste at the back of her throat. "how long was I unconscious?"

"Four hours, my dear." Alistair squeezed her hand gently.

"The music…" Tessa looked to Duncan and then Alistair.

"What else did you see, Tessa?" Duncan asked gently.

"It's all fuzzy. A horde on the move…following a song…a dreadful and yet beautiful song…" Tessa's voice drifted.

Duncan sighed heavily, shaking his head. "It is true then."

Tessa snapped her eyes to the Warden Commander. "What is true?"

"This is a Blight. The Horde is on the move, following the archdemon."

"But I didn't see…" Tessa started to object.

"But you did, my dear. The dream, nightmares, it is all part of the darkblood taint. While we feel them, unfortunately, we also feel their compulsion to a lesser extent, during a Blight. You mentioned a song, Tessa. I have been hearing the same call for a while now."

"What does it mean?" Tessa asked in confusion and tried to get up only to fall back to the cot as the world spun.

"Shh, don't worry about it." Duncan tried to assure her.

A wave of nausea hit her and made her moan. "I…I'm going to be sick."

"Alistair, help her." Duncan moved away and headed out of the tent.

Alistair moved to her side, helping ease Tessa to the side of the cot, pulling an empty pot over. He gathered her pale hair from her face, wincing in sympathy as Tessa violently retched.


End file.
